"God doesn't create wrecks"

[27 June]

But it seems like I'm making a wreck of myself, and I can already see the cracks spreading out to form a web. It's slowly affecting my day, my routine, my mood. And it sucks. It really does. I know I can be so much more, but I'm just stuck here and slowly degrading into something that I and others ever wanted me to be. Why is it affecting me so much? Something that others would consider inconsequential could make such a big difference in my life. Is it really inconsequential? Insignificant? 

It indeed has been a large part of my life, affected so many decisions, affected my lifestyle, the friends I choose...im here going through the same questions once again. Funny how sure I was that the decisions I made would last me a lifetime. 

Are decisions so short lived?

I'm down at the point where I could pretty much settle for anything that could make me happy. But of course, there are some things that I know I mustn't do. But, I just don't know how long I could last on my own. Besides, isn't the human spirit supposed to be full of life and willpower, devotion and inner strength?

Had SCGP just 2 days ago, really wanna blog about it. But not now. I need to clear my mind and set my path straight. I don't see me being satisfied with anything until I get these stuff sorted out. My oh my.