What can I say?

Today is quite a failure IMO.

Woke up late for school, though I reached on time for the first class. Stayed back for FYP stuff for 2+hours. Went home, watched one episode of Iris with my lunch. Then headed out to church to set up the sound equipment for the stake youth dance (since dad asked me cuz he couldn't reach on time). 

Dad said be there at 1815hours, I arrived at around 1850hrs. Set up the stuff after taking them using the Stake YM key my dad passed to me. He went through it all with me on Saturday night. Good thing I paid attention. Good thing I remembere and understood and had a technical background. Because he didn't pass the assembly sheet to me today!! So I had to recall it all. Not that hard lah actually. 

Anyway. Once that was done, I went to mug. Mug in church, on the second floor, the floor that had music blasting. Dad came to pass me food after a while (thanks dad I was hungry), then G-boy came in, thinking that I was a youth. Then there was Neal and Jace too. After that was Claire Andre and Dana (and they took my food). 

Done with my revision, I started packing up. Then Tania and Joy came in. Joy took a retarded picture with me then she left. Tania talked with me for a short while. Then I left. Came back in to tell da that i was gonna leave already. Then after that i Saw Ethan while i was on the way out again, talked for like 10seconds. Then he went in, never came back out. Neal came out and then talked for 5seconds. 

Last SMS, then I began to leave the building. Waved bye to Natalie while she was walking to the toilet. Out I go. 

So, nothing went as planned at the dance. Nothing at all. Disappointed? Definitely. I was hoping that I could get more out of it, but oh well. Miscommunication. What can I do about it? 

On the train back home, SMS here and there. The SMS convo between Claire and I died cuz there wasn't anything for me to reply to, and Alison had her monthly  cramps and so she said she didn't wanna talk to me. Okay can. 

We'll I gotta admit. I responded to the situation differently from how I normally would. I just wanted to see how things would turn out if I took a step back. 

And I'm on the train going back home. 

-2232hrs

Meditate then mediate.

I've had my fair share of mediation. Tough work. Especially when it's between people close to you. Things get heated up more quickly and easier to get carried away when you're bias to one side. 

Personally, I won't wanna try it again anytime soon. I'm just not ready for it. I have not grounded myself in the 'neutral' stand yet. I've been standing with one side. Which I shouldn't be. BecauseI'm  mediating, not assisting. 

And also because I let my feelings and emotions carry me. As much as I try to rain calm, it doesn't work (most of the time) since I'm SO biased to one side of the argument. Bad bad. 

Anyway. I hope that the small things that people say would be unheard of if it isn't something nice or important. Mediating is about having the involved parties coming to a common consensus. You can't do that easily if you're involved. 

All the best. 

And so. There's here.

I guess I shouldn't rant on twitter. Spamming everybody's timeline. Sigh. I don't know why I have so many breaths to sigh out. And I've been tired lately. Like....weirdly tired at weird times if the day. 5pm, 8pm....weird. What's wrong with me. 

First day of school. Nothing much. FTT not teaching us anymore. So now we get CWS. Chong Woon Shin. I think he's our new PTN too. Ended at 1145am. Had RP lab at 10am. Went through the Eden machine. Picked up a print job beside it. And so I started removing the support material win my bear hands. Hahaha. Anyway. Got quite a fair bit out already then the lecturer passed me a chisel. So I used that. Then the other lecturer say "you like to do this ah" then I said "yeah" so he got a tub of warm water, got me another spoon-ended scalpel that looks somewhat like what those dentists use. The figurine had some deep details so the elongated blade helped there. It was fun, really. I don't mind doing it all day. But in the end I accidentally broke off the right hand. ACCIDENT. Really. Anyway. I finished the job either way. 

SingTel seemed to experience a problem. I couldn't send and receive SMSes, make calls nor receive calls from the morning until the time when I was already on the way home. Used whatsapp to communicate with Jaina about where we were gonna meet up. Matthew and Zi Cong followed since they weren't in a rush. Same group either way. Met up with Jaina after some time spent locating her. Passed her the money and she passed me the goods. Wheeeeee~

Matthew saw her contact info on my phone (before we went to meet her) and asked me "what is pupnix?" Hahahha. I was too embarrassed to tell him. Anyway. He asked her himself before we left. She said "my nickname". At least that's that. I'm glad she told him that because that nickname has a long history ahhaha. Anyway. It's better if she answered. Matthew won't ask as much compared to if he asked me. Good thing he didn't ask me on the train either. 

The past few days have been weird. Extremely weird. Nothing comforting has been happening at all. Then there's shool. Mood killer sia that one. 

Sigh. 

I often wish that I could be somewhere else, be someone else. But I can't leave this family. And I've tried being somebody else. It didn't work out well. Sigh. 

Nothing works out well for me. 

And they say to "have faith". 

Being the son of Terence and Evelyn is nothing to shout out about. Life is tough. 

Been thinking lately. And I know I can't stop. I have to keep pushing on, even if it isn't easy. Especially when it isn't easy. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. And tough is what I wanna be. So I gotta keep going. And I will. Because I have to. 

Dreams

For the past few night, I've been hugging my pillow the way I would hug you. 

DANG WE SURE LOOK GREAT TOGETHER :')

last night!!

day 3.

i cant wait. just another day more!!
today, the haze peaked at 321 at 10pm. crazy stuff. anyway. woke up at 10ish am, close to 11am. woke up, settled the Lumia 320 that im using now. did some settings, tried to get an stupid microsoft account so i can download apps. took me close to 2hours can you believe it. its so annoying!!
anyway. got it done, then left house at 1pm to meet mom at cwp to get the microSIM card. changed it on the spot. so i have a new phone now!!

mom says that we're gonna keep the HTC one. but im thinking of passing it to claire...SHE NEEDS A NEW PHONE LIKE SERIOUSLY. when she gets one then can pass this HTC one back to me. the problem is how to tell mom and to make sure that she says yes. hmmm. dunno lah.

when i got back, the com didnt turn on AT ALL. so i called a shop, they said that its the video card problem. to change it would be spending $120. i think mom's paying for this one :P walao if i pay ah....DIE LAH. BO LUI LIAO AH. started working again a bit after dinner time. sian hor.

anyway. did some work in the mean time. getting stuck. I HATE THE PROJECTS THAT I HAVE. so annoying. just DBD left...i needa think up of 5 designs, get 3 outstanding ones from the net, and then get 5 patented products off the net too. im stuck at the designing part. meh.

well, today as a whole, not that bad. much better than yesterday.
im glad :)

i cant wait for tomorrow.
so i can start smsing you again :)
CANT WAIT.

ggggggrate.

it's tiring trying to be God-like when you're not.


third lecture from mom today.
but i handled this one better than the previous two.
well, at least that's improvement.
but the issue still remains.

mom, i cant possibly be able to handle situations like this. i cant, even as much as i know i should. it's tiring, it really is. i know you know it too. im grateful for how you controlled your disappointment, i really am. its just that sometimes, as you said, i dont follow what i've been taught. mistakes, yes i know, you always say that if i dont want you to tell me these things, then dont do the wrong things in the first place.

yes, i know. i know a lot of the other things that you have counseled me through the years. i know them. i know how you'd reply to what i say too. i know them because we've gone through them so many times. but i still make mistakes.

i do my best to not make the wrong choices. it's a conscious effort.



I'm trying to be like Jesus,
I'm following in His ways.
I'm trying to love as He did,
In all that I do and say.
At times I am tempted to make the wrong choice,
But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers:

"Love one another as Jesus loves you.
Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
For these are the things Jesus taught".




thank you bea for the virtual hug over twitter. i needed one :')
and thank you for the whatsapp chat. you really brightened up my night and my mood.
you certainly influenced me to change my perspective, and im grateful for that.
you're such a great friend.
im glad to have met you :)

I hope you're doing fine at where you are now. It's getting rough here. This place is becoming more of a nightmare as time goes by. 

I miss you already. 

first and always.

and the haze. its annoying me.

well, at least i heard mom on the phone with pres kwan saying that the haze at bintan is alright, that the youth are alright. its not as bad as singapore's.
at least thats one good news that i heard.

at least you're alright.

rave rant.

oh and while i was on gmarket, i looked through my cart. i saw that i had a hoodie that i wanted but had not yet placed the order for it yet. so i went to look at the hoodie.

http://thehooang1.godohosting.com/hooangs_eng/mainimg.php?goodscode=jbhd809

was thinking of getting the gray or the wine coloured one. then i went to take measuremets.
#wahsianah.
its too big for me, even with the smallest size they had.
i hated it.
i ditched the order.

its really agonising.
it really is.
trust me on this one.

you will never know unless you are. 
 
there is never a day that i dont see myself as what i see in my reflection.
just one uber-skinny guy with bones showing, veins looking like as if its gonna burst any moment (sometimes).
a guy who doesnt really care about his looks (most of the time. since i dont get it anyway)

but yes i know, what really matters is whats inside, right?
but whats inside is reflected on the outside, isnt it?
yeah. i always wished that i were the exception. but everybody says that. how different am i from them?
just another fella with cliche lines.



who am i really?
i wanna know, but im afraid of it.

so now. maybe later.

i can hardly stand myself,
so what am i to you?



day 1.
quite a normal day. woke up in the late morning i think. somewhere around 11am if i remember correctly. finished up my biomech report. managed to fill up a bit more than 5pages out of the max of 6. i think i did quite well for that one. then relaxed the rest of the day. from like 5plus. yeah the report took that long. played TF till i got bored. no dramas to watch since i didnt feel like it. no movies to watch since i've watched all of those that are on my com. didnt wanna go to the movies cuz i've been spending lately.

had a nice long conversation with mom at night. since dad isnt home, we just kept on talking. she said some really important things about life and death, about how if she passes away when im on my mission, to not come back. i'll never forget that. well, thats not the only thing that we talked about. but the other stuffs are all P-and-C so i wont even talk about it.

slept around 2am. i couldnt sleep.

day 2.
its day 2 now. had a really slow morning after waking up at 8.30am, then 9am, then 10.10am. got myself out of bed. started working on dbd designs, got distracted after 3minutes. went on gmarket, facebook, EVERYTHING. started a bit more at like 12ish pm. got distracted after 2minutes. checked email, read pres lai's email. went back on gmarket. cooked lunch at 12.40pm. and then been eating till now. not that its a lot. today's lunch was the same as yesterday's since dad bought bread instead of toilet paper. sigh. why cant he do things right. so i had to eat more food that includes bread so that i quickly finish them up so they wont spoil. hmmm.

yeah so thats my day so far. not productive at all.
this is what i've done so far in the whole day.

bored.






its starting to settle in even more now.
lets go catch a movie.

A little bit more

Dang. 

I'm gonna miss you. 

Oh yeah.

OH YEAH OH YEAH. 

when we were getting the groceries in Saturday and were on the way back, we stopped along the way I wait do some fellas who went to Macs, this girl came along and wanted to pass something to edwin, but he was like no no, then she looked toward me lol. She said "there's an event in front, do come down and take a look if you can" then she passed me this goodie bag. Hesitant about it, I asked her if I needed to do anything first, then she was like "no lah just take only" HAHAHHA. So I said thanks. Then jack came along and asked me "eh Sam what she ask you?" So I related the whole thing to him, then he was like "WHY YOU NEVER GET HER NUMBER SHE'S SO PRETTY" then I was like "aiyoh I don't need her number what!! I already have somebody's number so hers is not important HAHAHAHHA". 

Hahah but I told him if he wants he can go get, I help him hahah. 

Ahh jack. So typical if you XD

Grateful for the smiles on people's faces

So many things happened this week. 

Went for band practice on Friday at republic poly. It was the practice at the location for SHINE2013, so we needed to be prepared for the actual day. A bad bad practice because I couldn't keep up, and I wasn't familiar with the scores yet. The band also wasn't confident being on stage. They didn't look at the conductor, they missed beats and tempo, they weren't playing out. I think it's stage fright. Big time. 

Anyway, I took the lorry from NBSS to RP with Tiffany Halim. I did all the talking (though I didn't know that I was so conversant) with the Chinese driver uncle. The lorry was sooooo warm inside, the aircon wasn't working and the sun was shining through the windscreen. After our practice time at RP, I went left for home first with Tiffany since the band was just gonna get scolded when they reached back at school. Told the conductors that I would stay if they wanted me to, but that I'd like to go back home and practice the scores. I cycled the all the way home. When I reached home, I realized that I had lost e dust cap for my iTouch's charging thingy. Oh well. It never was a good fit. 

Friday morning, I woke up at around 11am. Supposed to go to Mustafa to get a black dress shirt for SHINE2013 since that is the attire for the alumnus and seniors. Didn't find a nice one, so we (mom and i) went over to John Little at city square mall. Found a slim fit one, then picked up a light blue striped dress shirt as well cuz mom said I looked nice in it (I don't know anything about dressing people up. That's why I have mom and jie. I'm bad with colors. So if I dress badly, or not so nicely, it's either cuz I was lazy to pick out something nice, or I don't know what I match what with what. I don't have that Sixth Sense of knowing what looks nice with what; I need to memories that stuff). Picked up two belt as well for $18. Supposed to be $12 each, but since it's two of the same design, it was cut down to $9 each. 

We ended that trip at like....6ish-pm. Told Jack that I'd be late for the chalet since I was supposed to meet him at 5pm with the others. But he said that they're gonna check in a bit later, and I said that I'd be there around 7pm. Reached home then left quickly because I had my bag packed already. I messed up on the way there since I took the bus route (which I was totally unfamiliar with because I always take the train) rather than the train. Reached Costa Sands Resort at 9pm or so. Late like SIAO. Jace and jack were marinating the chicken wings, but Jack was like adding the seasoning in wrong amounts. GOOD THING I WAS THERE HAHAHHAHA. So I helped out with the marinating. Then others started to come, and then at midnight....WE WATCHED "NOW YOU SEE ME" AT 12:15AM HAHHAHAHAHA. The show is SUPER NICE sia!! WALAO. Claire said that I'd be mind blown. YES I GOT MIND BLASTED.  It's a SUPER good show ohmygosh.

Anyways. Wanna watch "Man of Steel" someday. I probably have a date in mind, but needa see how lah. So...went back to the chalet at like 2+am, played "King's Game" with the fellas until 4am. Slept for 3+hrs, woke up at 7.30am because my body said to, then walked about the chalet. Sat at the pool enjoying sky and scene (check out my instag for pictures) then headed out to get breakfast soon after. Ordered McGridle or something like that. I was still feeling groggy and tired, but when the cashier passed me my breakfast with such a nice friendly smile and cheery tone, it brightened up my morning so much. That simple experience led to the picture on Instagram that I posted about the long windy and rough journey. I really like it when people help along the way. 

Anyway, I took my breakfast to the beach. Sat on a dyke (is that what it's called?) facing sea-ward. The sun started to peek through the clouds for a while, then BOOOOOM it was super hot after the clouds went away. Stayed on through till my breakfast was done, then went back to the chalet. WALAO THE FELLAS WERE STILL SLEEPING LORH AIYOH PIGS. They slowly woke up one by one. Then they skipped lunch to get groceries for the barbecue. Then some of us played Nerf Wars (we bought the guns hahaha) then after a while, headed back to the chalet to help with the barbecue.

We missed 태요, Fidelia, Nikki, some of the Chinese, Fayahida, Siddhani, and quite a few others too. At least Jace was there!! Though she didn't stay overnight. But it's okay. I enjoy being in her company. Miss Chia didn't come since she had plans on already. Wish she could come though. It would be sooooooo fun hahhaha. I showered after the barbecue, then left a while after. I FELT SO CLEAN HAHAHHAHA. Xin xiang was helping out with the barbecue. He's a really nice guy!! I never really talked to him in school cuz he was from another class and we never really met officially. But he's really nice...barbecued for everybody. I had to make sure he was eating so yeah I asked him now and then. I left at like...10ish-pm, and since I took the train home, I reached back home a bit after 12am. 

Sunday started early for me!! I ran through today's Gospel Principles class again while on the way home while listening to MoTab hahaha. I found new things to bring up during class. But today's class was SO BIG, I panicked and forgot quite a good number of things that I wanted to say. I ended 5minutes early, but it was okay since the timing was rather good.

Saw Jeremy too, a guy from San Fran. He's 24 years old but easily passes off as my age. He attended Elder's Quorum. While we were having the opening exercise, I was gonna share my missionary experience but they didn't see me raise my hand so oh well. Next week I guess. 

So yeah. That's my week. Gonna be a looooong and quiet week ahead since Claire is going for YC. But I'll get through.  Then maybe catch a show or something when she's back. 

Can't wait. 

WARGH.

okayokay.
THIS IS BAD. REALLY BAD.

i got the wrong flute.
i mean, EVERYTHING is the way it should be, just that it's missing one feature: the stabilizers. it's supposed to have triangular cuttings at each end of the joints, but mine doesnt. krystine's one does have it, but mine doesnt.

i wanna cryyyyyyyyyy.
we ordered the same model, everything is the same. just that i got the lemon. haiyoh. they should be able to change it. they had better be able to change it!! i mean.....it's just a day old. surely they can change it. ugh. super sad :( i was playing the flute today, the new one, then i was like "eh, something's missing here." i looked at the joints more closely, and then BAM. "eh walao. the stabilizers not there sia."

so i called krystine and checked with her if her flute has the stabilizers. basket hers have sia. i really kenna the lemon. i whatsapped her the pictures that i took of the flute joints. super sian. then after that talk for a bit, then whatsapped mr goh. he didnt seem to be online so i smsed him, asking him to check his whatsapp.

sigh.
i hope they change the flute back to the correct model :(
i don't wanna play a flute that's not mine :(

second /chance\

oh and then there's today.

managed to wake up early. thanks mom. rise and shine at 0730hrs.
left the house at 0750hours.
reached gombak at 0830hrs. finished up "Pained" while waiting for krystine. she arrived at 0850hours. called mr goh. met up with him within walking distance, went to his car, then we headed off.

talked about his experience watching the LOTR orchestral and choir performance last night. reached Accent. spent like around an hour there. chose out a flute, krystine got the same one as me. it wasnt too hard to decide. they took out 5 diff models, and it wasnt long before i knew which one i was gonna get.

good thing i came along with krystine. she didnt know anything about choosing flutes. so, i helped a bit lah. but the technician did most of the explaining. i understood, but she didnt. plus if she went alone with mr goh...weird lah. she also told me she rather i go with her.

took the lrt/train back home, talked aaaaaaall the way back. mr goh dropped us outside some shopping mall. thats why we took the lrt to cck. it was like....3 stops away? anyway. not important.

Trevor J. James.
the name of the brand.
its a beauty.

pictures are on my facebook.
*will* be on my facebook.
tomorrow.
its too dark to take any nice pictures now.

reached home, slept like a pig cuz i was tired. must have been the weather sucking out all my energy. the sun is an ENERGY BENDER. not a fire bender, earth bender, water bender, nor an earth bender. its an ENERGY BENDER. it sucks all the living juice outta you so it can survive on your energy.

heh. just finished watching the first installment of Avatar. i wish Mai were real. she'd be so cool. i wish Zuko were real. he'd be so cool. they make the coolest couple EVER. besides tiger jk and tasha.

geno called, asking me to go for a missionary discussion with our Elders. i said yeah.

anyway. i slept like a pig. yes. a pig. i woke up at 1420hrs. YSA conv meeting at 1445hrs. when i got on the train, it was already 1440hrs. smsed bea saying that i'd be late. by the time i arrived the meeting, i looked at the time. stupid me. why didnt i do this before. the time was 1538hrs. 22 minutes before the appointment was scheduled to start.

and i was already at church. the appointment was at 1600hrs.
i was so dead.
i am so dumb.

walked back to the mrt, took the train to sembawang. on both journeys, i went through the lesson twice. covered everything. well, technically everything. the stuff we do takes up only half of the material available. i was prepped. listened to MoTab to help me get ideas. reached the appointment 20minutes late, entered smooooooooothly. then we continued from where they left off.

the discussion went well. im glad i prepared before during the journey. it really helped. preparation does wonders. our investigator named "Claire" (hey), is from China. we invited her to be baptised, but she wasnt quite ready. the Elders seemed to be pushing really hard on church attendance, but i felt that it was a bit rushed for her. it works for some, though. but i felt that this one would take a while longer. so i talked to her in chinese as best as i could, so the Elders wouldnt know what we said (though i told them later on at the train station). i figured that she could use some chinese, and so that i could get her trust. i only wanted the best for her, so i suggested an idea to help her come to church without making any hard decisions, yet.

i hope she did what we asked her to do.
i really do.
but we can only do so much.

the Elders said that they're really grateful that i came. they didnt even mention anything about me being late. they said that i helped to bring the Spirit back in. (well...the discussion was kinda messy when i joined....) and that they're thankful. then just now. like, 10minutes ago(?), Elder Wilkes (i know its him cuz he and Elder Broadhead went on splits today) smsed me saying this: "you did good, i was impressed."

its only part of the sms, of course, but yeah. im so grateful for them and the Work they do. it's really, really, the Work of God that they are doing. and im glad to be a big part of it. it's opened my eyes.

dark chocolate with sparse raisins.

[
Reach,
It's not as bad as it seems.
I cleanse in the river for somebody else,
For anyone but myself.

Your time will come,
If you wait for it,
If you wait for it.
It's hard, believe me,
I've tried.
But i keep coming up short

But believe me when i say,
I wouldn't have it any other way
]






well. yesterday was quite a day.
woke up at 1120hrs. SORRY CLAIRE. 종말미안해!!
she's the only reason i woke up, cuz she called me. in my sleep i could hear my phone vibrating beside me. too bad i couldnt feel it. but it was annoying. woke up the moment it stopped, glanced at the clock beside my bed, BOOM. chiong out. first thing i did was to reply her. but that was at 1144hrs (yes, im looking at the conversation string now), and that was when i was at the mrt station. MARSILING MRT STATION. tell me how fail can i get -.-

i think she was rather upset. i was too. like...at myself. told ali about it all the way till i reached jcube. apparently she was late for school. like....EXACTLY THE SAME AS ME. super scary. like....when her bus arrived, my train arrived. then when she was reaching, i also was reaching.

weird.

but anyway, when i reached, smsed claire asking where she was.

"i'm at the lepak zone btw"
"top floor? or above the skating rink that floor?"
"got aircon one."
"Okay im walking ovrrrrrr"
then i sent again.
"Am i lost? i cant find the 'lepak zone' in the directory O.O"
"you dk where mehh. you found it. i think."

weird. i went past the skating rink observation platform once, didnt see her there (though i kinda thought that she'd be there) then went up to the top floor. couldnt be there, then that's when i got the "you found it" sms. went back down one floor to the platform, poof, she was there!!

but anyway. i felt really bad. like. SUPER BAD. i planned the movie and the lunch but it didnt happen since i was late. sigh. horrible me. got the tickets first then went to cold storage since we had 40minutes spare. supposed to catch the 1220hrs slot, but then had to catch the 1300hrs one instead. my fault lah.

the movie was kinda okay. i was hoping it would have more punch in it. like....more action. space fights, stuff like that, yaknow? throughout i didnt really say much. figured that claire wasnt gonna say much, for whatever reason. not that i had anything to say also. my fault that we were catching the later show. paiseh like siao eh. but that dumb cinema. NO COUPLE SEATS CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. RIDICULOUS. when i saw the planning the day before (thursday), i was like.......WHATTHEHECK. kesian. but idk. even if it did have, she was keeping to herself. she said she was cold though she had a jacket on. i didnt bring mine cuz i didnt need it. so what to do?

scooted my hand over to her seat palm up, looked at her.
sigh. what was i doing.
she didnt even look.
got me feeling kinda lame.
well, it was mid-way through the movie, so she was probably focusing on the film.
took my empty hand back.

she had to see this fella from a blogshop to collect noel's bag at 3pm. the movie lasted till 1440hrs, so we headed straight over. then her mom called asking her to check out this dress, so claire changed plans and headed to where her mom was. we missed 2 trains, so when hers arrived, she got on, i headed to mine.

throughout, i really didnt have much to say. i guess the both of us werent really into talking.
throughout, i didnt wanna look at the time. if i did, it would only remind me that i was losing my time with her.

it was short.

i realised soon that it has always like that. going out to do something then headed off when it ended.
well, next time we go out, it's gonna be something different. i just gotta plan things differently.

if i do, things should turn out differently.
right?

on the way back at marsiling mrt, i donated $10 to these fellas doing a charity drive. i checked to make sure that they had the certificate of authentication nonsense-thingy to make sure that they're allowed to do these stuff. felt better after that. but not quite enough.











there's so much for me to improve.
but i'll get it.
i will.
someday.
all i need is time.
i've got the effort.
i just need the time.

광.

안녕, 나야. 

모.라.

I don't know. 

I don't know anymore. 

I don't know what I'm supposed I be doing, what I could be doing, and what I can think to do. It's like.....messed up. 

Perhaps I haven't tried everything, but that's what's bothering me. I don't know if I've tried everything. I mean, come on, who knows when they have tried very thing, right? Inventions occur because people try everything when they sometimes think they have already tried every thing. Well, at least sometimes. 

But I'm not here to invent anything.

I'm here to live. 

I just wish things would get better. 

It's like a jail here.

On a side note. Discussing with Alison what time we're meeting up tomorrow. Gonna be my first time. I hope things go well. I hope it goes well. I don't want a bad experience to ruin everything. Then makan(?), then after that I'll go for band. Aaaaaaaaall the way till 5pm. 

Shiok ah. Then on Saturday go get flute maybe. At least just go there see see first. Good thing got Mr Goh. He's gonna get Krystine and I one each at a lower price with some of the customizations. Can't wait to try out those flutes!! But of course gonna pay him back lah. If he gonna treat us to a flute ah....i'll be like...forever indebted. Cuz I'll never be able to pay it off within the coming years. 

I can't believe that I'm still wishing for so many things. Is it a bad thing?