Sunday.

Today is sunday.
Probably just any other ordinary fast sunday.
But its one of the most special-est sundays ive had in such a long time.
In a long time.

Today I reported for ward council meeting a bit late. Reached 15mins after 11am. Didnt send in my agenda but the Elders were already reporting. I sat beside them, and then later the sisters arrived too. Surprise surprise.

Throughout the meeting, I felt so lousy. Things were discussed, yes, but I didnt feel right.
I didnt feel good.
I felt bad.
I felt lousy.
I felt that there was so much to do.
That theres too much to do.
I felt so inadequate.
I felt so small, so insignificant.
I felt hopeless and helpless.

I thought to myself this one simppe question, "am I up for this?"

Am I really able to carry out my calling? I felt so burdened by the calling. Throughoit the remainder of the calling, I couldnt smile. I couldnt laugh at the jokes and funny moments. I felt so horrible. I was thinking why I even accepted the calling knowing that it would be so hard. In fact, I knew that it would be hard, but not this hard.

It came to a point where the thought of giving up had crossed my mind a few times. Look at me: going-to-be-20 year old, have not gone a mission, not experienced in missionary work, in reactivation, in giving out assignments and getting work done, comparably less experience in life and doctrinal knowledge than all the others in the ward council. I felt so much like the oddball. I felt that I couldnt do it. That I really couldnt. Theres nothing that I can do. I am not knowledgeable, not experienced.

Im just not up for it.

I left the meeting feeling lousy. I prayed so much during the meeting to know how I can make things work out well. I prayed so hard and so much, my head couldve exploded from over-heating. But still, nohing.

I forced a smile and a cheery attitude so I wont affect the others. The whole sunday was spent like this. When it was fast and testimony meeting, I shared my testimony on missionary work. I had hoped that I would feel an inkling of the spirit with me by doing that, but I didnt.

I taught a last-minute gospel principles lesson. It went okay.

EQ time arrived and I spoke for 5mins about the ward mission plan. Still didnt feel good. didnt even sit beside ming and thaddus because onson had asked me to sit beside him to discuss some stuff.

Ward missionary correlation meeting after that, still bad. More things to do even.

Rushed over to stake choir after grabbing a few bites from the food prepared by sis cynthia.

And I guess, music was what I needed. Being in the choir made up for all the sadness and disappointment and negativity I had experienced throughout the whole day. I felt the Spirit strongly through music.

There is power in real music.

It was exactly what I needed. It just pushed all my worries away. It was something that had so much magic in its existence alone. It brought the Spirit into my being.

Feeling tired, mom/dad and I went to thaddus' house for dinner with the recent RMs. Spent so much time with thaddus and ming and danna.

Also, exactly what I needed. They have this special ability to just make me smile and make my problems seem so small. They didnt do anything special; they were just being themselves.

My eternal friends.
Theyre priceless.

There is power within your friends.