Horrible vegetable

I cant quite say how I feel right now exactly. Its just a crazy mix of feelings in a blender.

Sad, disappointed, hoping, desperate, empty, happy, dejected, a bit elated, satisfied. And all the in-betweens. Yeah, that's how I feel. And its messy.

I dont like it. Its the only time when music cant do anything for me. I cant do much for myself either, other than waiting it out. Its the only thing I can do well in circumstances like this.

And its the everyday things and people that I see that annoys me. Its like as if theyre all conspiring against my mood or something to that extent.

I dont like it.

Feeling horrible inside and out but I gotta be smiling all the time so people wont ask and so I wont have to explain.

Its like the wishes you really want to come true but you know that thats all it will ever be.

Cleo says she'll get a horse with me.
Lol.
Its still my dream.
But she's a step closer than I am.
Well.
Maybe more than one step actually.
But still.

I want so many things.
But most of them are just unrealistic wants.
But the one thing I want most now, its totally out of reach.

Every departure breaks my heart a little more.