Who's gonna save the world tonight? Who's gonna bring you back to life?

"Don't try to change someone just because they do things differently than you."

Well, I'm sure that that statement only applies for those who do the right things. But what about those who do the wrong things? Or those who are contemplating it? Does the statement include them as well because they do things 'differently'? What draws the line between someone who does things similarly or not?

Tonight's not my night. The evening started off unwell. I wish I could do something about it. Anyway. I managed to calm myself down after a while, saying that I'm just over-reacting. Perhaps I really was. 

"Don't try to change someone". Does that mean the best we can do, as friends, or more, is to warn and advice? How true does this statement hold, really? If someone is about to do the wrong thing, do we just let them go ahead with it after bringing it up to tem, and let Life do the teaching? But wouldn't they turn around one day and say to you "you didn't stop me"? 

See the dilemma I'm in? 

I don't know what to say. It's either I tell you and brave it out, or I let your parents do their job. 

Does whatever I say hold any weight at all? Or are they all meaningless? 

Risking it all for worldly pleasure doesn't make sense. Oh well. Either I tell you in person or I tell you in an email. 

You know what. I'll tell you in person. Because you are THAT important to me. I hope I am the same to you, so that you hear me out. At least give it some thought. 

하지마.

i dont know how im surviving without seeing you.
its like.
WEIRD.

i guess the texting helps a lot.
it bridges up the physical gap.
hmm.

well.
there's much more to it than just that.
cant wait for so many things.

Hit me with a tranquilizer.

Man, today's a bad day. I can't focus at all, only for short durations. 

I don't know why. I wish I did know why though. It's a annoying when you know something's bothering you, but you can't pin it down. Me, I have quite a good number of things worrying me, and it's really annoying. I'm worried about so many things, that it's killing my brain. 

I needed help. I got help. I changed the music I was listening to. From playing my whole iTunes library, I started to listen to classical, piano, orchestral music, then an idea hit me. 

I immediately played Urban Zakapa's music. 

Much better. 

I need the peace and quiet and tranquility. I hate it when I have so much to think and worry about. It's tiring, it really is. I really dislike myself when it happens. 

I wish I could just empty the RAM in my head. 

I wish I knew so many more things. 

I wish I could do so many more things. 

I wish I could be someone so much more.

I keep wishing so much that it hurts sometimes. 

Hungry. I'm so hungry.

It's closing in to 4am and I'll be left with 3 hours of sleep. 

I missed Simon and Martina, gonna miss MML2013, and A-JAX as well. Then in July, I'm gonna book early for B.A.P. Jaina's gonna be there for sure, maybe in a dress lol. But she said she won't be wearing one..oh well. Not important. 

Then one more event in July. I forgot which. This past week's crazy. So far, gone for 2 events already, and my exams are next week. I must be mad. 

I'm tired. Physically and mentally.

I miss you. 

A while fat lot. 

Not kidding. 

Can't wait till our next meeting. 

Absurd.

Okay so this is really stressful. 

First I got an SMS from dana asking my if I'm going for YC. 

After church, Krystine came up to me and asked me if I was going for YC this year. Prior to this, I heard that given my age, I am still eligible to go for it. I told her that I knew that my age allowed me to go. Then after that, Wendell came along and asked me "hey Sam so are you going?" Then I was like "well, nobody told me anything about it until now..." So I told them that I'd give them an answer when I decide. 

I thought about my FYP. I thought about revision, working during my holidays...and i figured that I could and should go for YC. After all, it's the only one that I really wanna go to...and it's my last too. Technically. Anyhoos. Wendell passed me a form to fill up, which took me like 5mins to fill up cuz I was talking to Danna and the other YW in the ward. Annoying. Anyway. I headed over to ward YSA FHE and then had refreshments. 

Helped out mom and Sis Valoy with the packing and organizing of the ward shirts...I places the uncompleted form in moms bag for her to bring home for me. I went home first, started writing the article for yesterday's A.PRINCE showcase. Bopian, got deadline ah. Didn't manage to finish it though. It was already 4pm (time flies so fast) so I faster chiong to stake centre. I was supposed to be there early....

Reached at 4.59pm. Way too late. Meeting started liao by that time. Soooooooo. I told dana that I'd be going for YC and that I can do the workshop for her. 

So here it is.  

Nobody told me anything about YC. Inference says "sam can't go"

Then now they tell me my name is in the list. "Sam can go"

So after the CES Devotional, I rushed back home with the gang and then reached home at like 7.50pm. Early for HT. first thing that dad told me is that Pres Kwan says I can't go for YC cuz I'm over-aged unless I'm a youth leader. 

Anyway. 

Wonderful sharing lesson, asked a question that Pres Lai said was a good question. Got it answered. They left, then my tenant came home, we all started talking to her. Cooked dinner. Ate. Then bathed. Then now, I'm here lorh lying on my bed. 

And so now, I can't go for YC. Not even to give a workshop. Sian max. 

Talked with Claire about be change of events...I was telling her how I could still go, but as a youth leader. Then suddenly talking with dad and mom, then it was brought up that i can't go AT ALL because I'm an Elder already. And I'm not a youth leader.  

This is where it all starts. All the mixed feelings start to come uppppp. It's annoying. Knowing that I was so close, but now, so far. 

Without being able to soak up the feelings properly, I'm tossed around boundless times. 

I don't like  this :(

I don't care if I'm giving a workshop or not, I just wanna go. 

Today isn't enough for me. 

just say yes. snow patrol.

Just say yes,
Just say there's nothing holding you back.
It's not a test, 
Nor a trick of the mind, only love.


I can feel your heartbeat through my shirt.
This is all I wanted, all I want.
It's all I want.
It's all I want.
It's all I want.
It's all I want.

Just say yes.
Just say there's nothing holding you back.

baaaaaaaaaaack way back.

the exam period is coming within a bit over a week.

today, i went to check my exam schedule.
too bad its not out yet.
well, maybe its good that its not out yet too. i'll be super stressed.
and then there's the biomaterials project...which has not been touched since week 1.
and its already coming to the end of week5.
and i just formed the group today.

doomed to fail.

anyway. i saw an interesting tab on mysas. i checked AAAAAAAAAAAALL of my exam results.
like....since year 1 sem 1.
and i guess i should be rather grateful for the blessings that have been given to me.
every sem, without fail, there is ONE module (yes, ONLY one) that i got an A in.
the rest are all Bs and B+s. and a one C and one D and one D+  i think.

no failures. i hope i dont ever fail.
i'll be so mad.
RAGE MODE YEAH.

anyway. yeah.
exams.
projects.
stress.

i dont know how i can still be happy.
well, my guess, is cuz of you.
keeps me going.
고맙습니다!!
^^

Once again.

YES. going home today from institute was so fun. Hyrum, Bea, Arvie, G-Boy, Myra, Ming, Yong Bee and myself. We laughed soooooo hard, people were staring at us. Bea and I tak boleh tahan, ended up squatting because of -I dunno why-. Plus I ended up tearing a bit!! Ahhh haven't laughed like that in such a long time~

Last lesson of institute today, talked about how the disciples went back to fishing after the Crucifixion. Then how they all got back onto their feet and started working again. Watched Jeffrey R. Holland's conference message last year during October Sunday Morning session. It's so good, I wanna download it. 

Then we had sushi for refreshments. Teared up cuz of the wasabi hahahaha but it was niiiiiiiice~ :)

But yeah. The train ride back was like.....80% fun. I was worrying for the other 20%. I think Ming notices...It's just a thought, really. A thought because Ali says I think too much. But if I'm thinking right this time, there's gonna be a problem. Better check with her first uh. 

I don't wanna jump to conclusions and then complicate things based on my inaccurate judgements. 

simplicity :)

The more I see you, the more I want you.
Somehow this feeling just grows and grows.
With every sigh I become more mad about you,
More lost without you, and so it goes.

Can you imagine how much I love you?
The more I see you as years go by.
I know the only one for me can only be you.
My arms wont free you, and my heart wont try.

The more I see you, the more I want you.
Somehow this feeling just grows and grows.
With every sigh I become more mad about you,
More lost without you, and so it goes.

Can you imagine how much I love you?
The more I see you as years go by.
I know the only one for me can only be you.
My arms wont free you, and my heart wont try.
My arms wont free you, and my heart wont try.

The more I see you, I've got to have ya.










i typed out the lyrics on my own so i know i can trust my ears!! hehehehe :D
I LOVE THIS SONG.

Reins.

Well, today's quite a day. Woke uo 4 times just to finally gey outta bed at 7.30, then met alison at 8.20ish for morning run. First time running in so long sia. Macam zombie like that. Anyway. Enjoyed the 'run', attempted pull ups but ny muscles were still aching so i couldnt do my usual number.

Then after all that we went for breakfast at teh tarik.

On the way there while walking, we were talking about where to go to next, then we were like

"aiyah wanted to ask claire along, then you can meet her. At least can go watch lorh"
"your parents know about yall two anot"
"no lah, they know i like her only, but dunno that we're together."
"then cannot go out on your own meh?!"
"no lah cannot....not supposed to"
"aiyah then how come you can go out with me!!"
"cuz youre not..."

Yeah. I didnt finish the sentence. I couldnt. The words i couldnt utter out remained hanging on my tongue. But im sure you knew what i was gonna say...that youre not claire.

She pressed on for me to finish the answer, but no. I knew that the moment i said it, it would be a mistake. A horrible one. And i'd hate myself for a long time if i did say it. A friend so important to me, i couldnt possible say those words to her. I would be a terrible, insensitive, stupid human.

Anyway.

Bumped into her friend that should have turned up for the run as well. She brought her younger bro along. Finally reached teh tarik, and i treated her for breakfast since its been soooooo long since we last hung out. Had prata!! Hehehehe. Yeah paid for that one, then we bought this ice milo. Super big cup sia so it was like $2.20. Super ex ohmygosh. Aiyah. But once in a never-anymore-while is okay lah huh.

Lepaked there for a while, talked about this and that, then finally headed home at like 11am.

Bathed immediately upon reaching home, TF-ed, then slept for the last hour to pass by before leaving for ward mother's day celeb while listening to my new songs. Woke up with this thing on my left eye. Went to wash up, realised that there was something really wrong.

There was red lining on my lower left eyelid. At first i thought my eye was red. But soon i realised that it was some certain lining that had detached from some flesh. IN MY EYE. Pulled my eyelid down, and BAM.

Stye.

Again. But this time on my left eye. Showed it to mom and dad, and then i went down to get it checked on. The freaking eyedrop is so expensive. $42.80 or something like that. Plus consultation lah.

Anyway. Headed over to ward mother's day celeb at the stake centre. Ate well, then stayed back to watch ming and jeff play bball. Left at around 8pm. Talked about this and that.

But the part where ming left at smb, i really began to think.

I was wondering if and how i could say "if you wanna meet up after school, i'll try my best to get out early".
Was it possible for me to be released early? Yeah definitely. Its poly after all.
But what if, for some mysterious reason, that i could not?
What would be left of my credibility?
"you say you can but then now cannot. Make up your mind can anot?"
So how much can i say, and how much have i said already, before my words backfire on me?

Its a scary thought, really. Its creepy. But one that i felt must be faced.
There are so many things i wish i could do with you, but circumstances make it difficult.
Its not that im thinking of backing out. No, im not. I dont want to.
We're too precious to back out.
I'll still be understanding, dont get me wrong. I just wished that we could hang out more. And communicate more smoothly.

I still dont get why you dont wanna delete the smses. At least the less important ones. Isnt it a burden, smsing, because of all our smses stored in your phone? Lag so much.

But hey. Who am i to tell you what to do?
Im just your boyfriend. Not your dad.

Every time we touch - cascada

Well. How would i describe today? The morning was normal, slept a bit in DBD, did the tutorial, then had presentation during the second half, then slept again. 

Sleeping is so tiring. I don't know how that is possible. But it is. 

But anyway. Headed over to Jurong library after school, chope table. Reached at like 1245hrs? Here abouts. I remember checking the time. Then went to second floor, scout for table, go third floor, went around twice, then finally decided on a table with no charger. But still okay lah right. 

After like an hour, Claire came along and then we started mugging. Though I didn't really wanna...but oh well. Exams are coming, so better start preparing luh huh. But really no mood to study. Somehow managed to ah. 

Then mug mug mug, then Claire started listening to my iPod after I showed her the Despicable Me 2 trailer soundtrack lol. It's nice knowing that someone appreciates my music taste :P and I like sharing my music too. So nice :) 

Anyway, we breaked on the iPod also, played World's Hardest Game 2. Then after a while, went back to studying all the way till 1445ish? 

She went to LAN with John and her classmates ah I think. Anyway. So all in all, spent like 2ish hours with her? A bit short ah, but at least it's better than nothing. After all, I was looking forward to our meeting today, no? 

Why be unhappy about something when you can appreciate it? It's just a paradigm shift. 

So yeah. A bit sad that it's only 2 short hours lah, but its okay. She needs her space right. I can't possibly be hanging around her all the time I guess. 

Well. I don't know. I'll try, of course. I'll do what I know best, playing by ear. Then adjust well and run. 

But I still don't know. Sacrifice always has a price to pay. A token, of sorts. 

Somehow, for some reason, it felt like as if something was in the way. Something blocking communication? It felt like it. 

A division. 

Just like a Pretentious Piano Piece. 

What's my Strategy to Exist?

I'm pretty sure that it's you. 

annyeong!!

tired.
sooooooooooooo tired.
its close to being dead lol.
im like...a zombie.

okay maybe thats exagerated a bit too much. but still.
feeling like a zombie.

but tomorrow's a different story.
though ima feel like a zombie, im gonna be like a crazy 3 year old.
gonna be a mad kid tomorrow. but after school only luh huh.
presentation tomorrow.
impromptu. i only prepared the stuff today.
aiyah but super fast and easy also.

i guess..my presentation skills gonna come in again.
good thing i give talks and lessons in Church, plus public speeches in NBSS.

lovelovelove.

O-bla-di! O-bla-da! Life goes on!!

Im feeling it again.
Refer back to May 5th.

http://stationarysuns.blogspot.sg/2013/05/a-reason-to-sigh.html?m=1

Root and thought.

I had a dream today.

Feeling very tired, i slept at my table for around 20monutes before mom shoo-ed me to kor's bed. Laid there for 5minutes, fell fast asleep, ut not enough to notice that she had turned on the fan, pointed it in my direction and had some air freshener released.

Thats when i fell into a deep sleep, and this is when my dream commenced.

I was at Gek Poh Ville CC one night, leaving, probably going home. Within a few paces, i saw a bunch of friends: Dennis, Yi Yan, Chee Fong, Joseph, and a few others whom i dont remember anymore.  They were carrying food from KFC to a table nearby somewhere. For some reason, i told them to wait for me while i went to order food as well.

I headed over to KFC and looked at the menu overhead. The shop was already dimly lit, with almost all of the lights out. The menu was illuminated minimally by the lights that were shining onto the counter. After a quick scan, i looked directly at the only cashier present, and asked him the cost of a 2-piece meal. Surprisingly, he said that they werent selling that anymore. Second glance at the menu, they were selling what LJS would probably be selling instead.

After much conversation, trouble, frustration and knowing that i was in a press for time (for something, maybe meeting up with the rest), i almost ordered a $6.50 fish meal, but firmly told myself to just leave the shop empty handed. I did not have enough time to finish all that food in 15minutes, and paying $6.50 for a meal i could not enjoy.

It was then that i woke up. Weird dream? Yeah. The time was 6.30pm already - i had been asleep for an hour. A dream that short took me an hour.

Dragging myself to freshen up after quickly deciding to go for training, i began my attempt to figure out what my dream meant. I had been told that dreams hold meanings. A quick prayer (i dont know why) asking God to show me what the dream meant, and soon it quickly made sense to me as the pieces slowly but surely, fell snugly into their rightful places.

Firstly, i had come to a conclusion that i would stop attending karate trainings at SP for indefinite time. It is funny how the conclusion came first, and the reasonings following after. Anyway. A quick flashback to the dream helped me see the fit. I was soon to join the 'cart of SPKC graduates'. Look at the people: Dennis, Yi Yan, Chee Fong, Joseph. They have all already, or soon to be, graduated from the club/school. Yelling out to them to wait for me: it means that i would be joining them really soon. But how? I still have one more academic year to finish before i leave school and/or karate. Well, quit, of course.

The ordering if the dimly lit shop, upon reflection would take some time to figure out, was rather easy to see. It represented the problems, the politics involved and how i view the club trainings thus far. It wasnt pleasant, enjoyabke, and totally not what i was looking for. I almost settled for the least, trying to grab a nice full meal (possibly better trainings in the future), but realising that i wont have time for it, neither the will and desire to have it.

See? See how it all fits into place? Well, before i left home for training, i tweeted something i've never given enough consideration to, with much confidence: "Donning on the uniform again, before i lay it to rest."

Well. Im sure most people eould be able to figure it out. Its like the laying down of the Army's No4.

Somehow, throughout the wholr experience, i was so sure, so sure, for the first time regarding this matter, as to what to do. It had so much resolute powering it, i had no idea where such sureness came from.

After all, i joined karate in the first place to learn how to protect lives, not to participate in fancy, meaningless competitions.

The only thing that i am still concerned about is whether the revelation came from on High or from the depths Below.

I shall have to pray once again to know for myself.

Wishes.

I wish i could relive saturday morning again.
I wish i could have gotten my hands on a polaroid. I tried, returned unsuccessful.
I wish i could have more time with you.
I wish for eternity and immortality.

I so desperstely wish.
But at the very least, just let me dream again.

a reason to sigh.

THERE ARE TIMES when i just wanna hug you, squeeze you tight in an embrace, piggy back you around (childish ambition lol), spend a whole day with you, chill out on a field with you beside me and admire the night sky with great music playing along.

hold tight and never let go.
what a beautiful dream.
just let me dream.

well. its a pity that hugs are reserved for spouses.
those super tight ones.
the one i wanna give.
the one i wanna get.
what a pity.

Hands.

Well. Where do i start? Yesterday was a greaaaaat day.

Woke up at 5.50am (10mins before my alarm rings), got ready to go and POOF out i went.

Had some difficulty meeting up with yongbee first but eventually. Waited for her at buona vista mrt station in the end lol. Then we went to botanic gardens on the circle line then picked up claire. Badamm badammmmmm.

MACAROOOOOONS. I didnt know they were so small. And its two bucks each. Heart pain sia. Pocket pain also. So i enjoyed it, they taste naiseeeee. THANKS CLAIRE  YOU HAVE A BIG HEART :)

So we started our small little trip. First thing we saw was the black swan and the ducklings.

Got a few shots then went ahead. Throughout the whoooole trip, it was fun. Though i didnt manage to get all the shots i wanted, the time spent was faaaaaar more better. Pictures cant replace that!! :)

Anyway. Should get a better picture next time round :)
I wanna relive that day again.

Ooomph.

I CANT WAIT FOR THE DAY TO BEGIN OHMYGOSH. LETS JUST START NOW CAN LOL.

Ahhh, must stay composed.