What can I say?

Today is quite a failure IMO.

Woke up late for school, though I reached on time for the first class. Stayed back for FYP stuff for 2+hours. Went home, watched one episode of Iris with my lunch. Then headed out to church to set up the sound equipment for the stake youth dance (since dad asked me cuz he couldn't reach on time). 

Dad said be there at 1815hours, I arrived at around 1850hrs. Set up the stuff after taking them using the Stake YM key my dad passed to me. He went through it all with me on Saturday night. Good thing I paid attention. Good thing I remembere and understood and had a technical background. Because he didn't pass the assembly sheet to me today!! So I had to recall it all. Not that hard lah actually. 

Anyway. Once that was done, I went to mug. Mug in church, on the second floor, the floor that had music blasting. Dad came to pass me food after a while (thanks dad I was hungry), then G-boy came in, thinking that I was a youth. Then there was Neal and Jace too. After that was Claire Andre and Dana (and they took my food). 

Done with my revision, I started packing up. Then Tania and Joy came in. Joy took a retarded picture with me then she left. Tania talked with me for a short while. Then I left. Came back in to tell da that i was gonna leave already. Then after that i Saw Ethan while i was on the way out again, talked for like 10seconds. Then he went in, never came back out. Neal came out and then talked for 5seconds. 

Last SMS, then I began to leave the building. Waved bye to Natalie while she was walking to the toilet. Out I go. 

So, nothing went as planned at the dance. Nothing at all. Disappointed? Definitely. I was hoping that I could get more out of it, but oh well. Miscommunication. What can I do about it? 

On the train back home, SMS here and there. The SMS convo between Claire and I died cuz there wasn't anything for me to reply to, and Alison had her monthly  cramps and so she said she didn't wanna talk to me. Okay can. 

We'll I gotta admit. I responded to the situation differently from how I normally would. I just wanted to see how things would turn out if I took a step back. 

And I'm on the train going back home. 

-2232hrs

Meditate then mediate.

I've had my fair share of mediation. Tough work. Especially when it's between people close to you. Things get heated up more quickly and easier to get carried away when you're bias to one side. 

Personally, I won't wanna try it again anytime soon. I'm just not ready for it. I have not grounded myself in the 'neutral' stand yet. I've been standing with one side. Which I shouldn't be. BecauseI'm  mediating, not assisting. 

And also because I let my feelings and emotions carry me. As much as I try to rain calm, it doesn't work (most of the time) since I'm SO biased to one side of the argument. Bad bad. 

Anyway. I hope that the small things that people say would be unheard of if it isn't something nice or important. Mediating is about having the involved parties coming to a common consensus. You can't do that easily if you're involved. 

All the best. 

And so. There's here.

I guess I shouldn't rant on twitter. Spamming everybody's timeline. Sigh. I don't know why I have so many breaths to sigh out. And I've been tired lately. Like....weirdly tired at weird times if the day. 5pm, 8pm....weird. What's wrong with me. 

First day of school. Nothing much. FTT not teaching us anymore. So now we get CWS. Chong Woon Shin. I think he's our new PTN too. Ended at 1145am. Had RP lab at 10am. Went through the Eden machine. Picked up a print job beside it. And so I started removing the support material win my bear hands. Hahaha. Anyway. Got quite a fair bit out already then the lecturer passed me a chisel. So I used that. Then the other lecturer say "you like to do this ah" then I said "yeah" so he got a tub of warm water, got me another spoon-ended scalpel that looks somewhat like what those dentists use. The figurine had some deep details so the elongated blade helped there. It was fun, really. I don't mind doing it all day. But in the end I accidentally broke off the right hand. ACCIDENT. Really. Anyway. I finished the job either way. 

SingTel seemed to experience a problem. I couldn't send and receive SMSes, make calls nor receive calls from the morning until the time when I was already on the way home. Used whatsapp to communicate with Jaina about where we were gonna meet up. Matthew and Zi Cong followed since they weren't in a rush. Same group either way. Met up with Jaina after some time spent locating her. Passed her the money and she passed me the goods. Wheeeeee~

Matthew saw her contact info on my phone (before we went to meet her) and asked me "what is pupnix?" Hahahha. I was too embarrassed to tell him. Anyway. He asked her himself before we left. She said "my nickname". At least that's that. I'm glad she told him that because that nickname has a long history ahhaha. Anyway. It's better if she answered. Matthew won't ask as much compared to if he asked me. Good thing he didn't ask me on the train either. 

The past few days have been weird. Extremely weird. Nothing comforting has been happening at all. Then there's shool. Mood killer sia that one. 

Sigh. 

I often wish that I could be somewhere else, be someone else. But I can't leave this family. And I've tried being somebody else. It didn't work out well. Sigh. 

Nothing works out well for me. 

And they say to "have faith". 

Being the son of Terence and Evelyn is nothing to shout out about. Life is tough. 

Been thinking lately. And I know I can't stop. I have to keep pushing on, even if it isn't easy. Especially when it isn't easy. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. And tough is what I wanna be. So I gotta keep going. And I will. Because I have to. 

Dreams

For the past few night, I've been hugging my pillow the way I would hug you. 

DANG WE SURE LOOK GREAT TOGETHER :')

last night!!

day 3.

i cant wait. just another day more!!
today, the haze peaked at 321 at 10pm. crazy stuff. anyway. woke up at 10ish am, close to 11am. woke up, settled the Lumia 320 that im using now. did some settings, tried to get an stupid microsoft account so i can download apps. took me close to 2hours can you believe it. its so annoying!!
anyway. got it done, then left house at 1pm to meet mom at cwp to get the microSIM card. changed it on the spot. so i have a new phone now!!

mom says that we're gonna keep the HTC one. but im thinking of passing it to claire...SHE NEEDS A NEW PHONE LIKE SERIOUSLY. when she gets one then can pass this HTC one back to me. the problem is how to tell mom and to make sure that she says yes. hmmm. dunno lah.

when i got back, the com didnt turn on AT ALL. so i called a shop, they said that its the video card problem. to change it would be spending $120. i think mom's paying for this one :P walao if i pay ah....DIE LAH. BO LUI LIAO AH. started working again a bit after dinner time. sian hor.

anyway. did some work in the mean time. getting stuck. I HATE THE PROJECTS THAT I HAVE. so annoying. just DBD left...i needa think up of 5 designs, get 3 outstanding ones from the net, and then get 5 patented products off the net too. im stuck at the designing part. meh.

well, today as a whole, not that bad. much better than yesterday.
im glad :)

i cant wait for tomorrow.
so i can start smsing you again :)
CANT WAIT.

ggggggrate.

it's tiring trying to be God-like when you're not.


third lecture from mom today.
but i handled this one better than the previous two.
well, at least that's improvement.
but the issue still remains.

mom, i cant possibly be able to handle situations like this. i cant, even as much as i know i should. it's tiring, it really is. i know you know it too. im grateful for how you controlled your disappointment, i really am. its just that sometimes, as you said, i dont follow what i've been taught. mistakes, yes i know, you always say that if i dont want you to tell me these things, then dont do the wrong things in the first place.

yes, i know. i know a lot of the other things that you have counseled me through the years. i know them. i know how you'd reply to what i say too. i know them because we've gone through them so many times. but i still make mistakes.

i do my best to not make the wrong choices. it's a conscious effort.



I'm trying to be like Jesus,
I'm following in His ways.
I'm trying to love as He did,
In all that I do and say.
At times I am tempted to make the wrong choice,
But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers:

"Love one another as Jesus loves you.
Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
For these are the things Jesus taught".




thank you bea for the virtual hug over twitter. i needed one :')
and thank you for the whatsapp chat. you really brightened up my night and my mood.
you certainly influenced me to change my perspective, and im grateful for that.
you're such a great friend.
im glad to have met you :)

I hope you're doing fine at where you are now. It's getting rough here. This place is becoming more of a nightmare as time goes by. 

I miss you already.