lifeline.

im thinking.
im thinking of skipping the kayaking this saturday. though i really wanna go, and yb is probably gonna be there. and jeff too. and all the other YSAs i wanna meet. plus i havent been in the water for a long time. i needa get the fish in me out again.

but then today happened. what i chanced on was kinda shocking, took me by surprise. wanted to talk to alison about this, cuz i guess its something important that i should ask her opinion on. anyway. turns out she had a bad day herself too. so i talked to her on whatsapp. im glad i did :') she needed my help more than i needed hers. not that she is hopeless or anything, but as usual, i told myself that its better to help others.

things arent about me. it never has been and never will be. its always about helping someone else out. 

my problems can come later. hearing me out can come later. other people's problem and helping them out will always be more important than my miniscule miseries of the mind. anyway.

i helped alison to get back on her tracks. and it feels great to have such a friend like her. she's irreplaceable. ALISON I HOPE YOURE READING THIS. i have my own mess ups. but i dont wanna talk about them when other people have their issues.

they are my priority.
i am not.
and that is definite.

i figured that i might be needed else where. somewhere more important than kayaking. i'll probably spend my morning with alison in band. its been a long time since i've talked to her face-to-face. and its been a long time even getting to meet her. since she's going for band this saturday, i guess i'd pop by too. i dont know, i havent made a decision yet.

but if i can, i probably would go down with her to nbss. mom wont be happy, she'll tell me to go for kayaking for sure. she might even make a fuss about it, but she doesnt see what i see. i dont know. but if i have to, i probably would go down with alison. she might need my help. spend half a day with her, see how things are doing. help out with the flutes..

i'll decide another day.