Wanton love

[23 October]

[0020hrs]

Yeap, it's midnight. But today was a good day. Woke up to a slow morning at 1030hrs because it's that part of the course where everything slows down before the pace picks up again. Got called to help out handle the course because the duty instructor (DI) was busy doing admin stuff in the HQ office because he's the PS as well. Anyway. Did that, then got called to help out for admin stuff as well. Took me a long time to get that done but at least it was near completion. Sent the course for lunch, and took them back to lecture afterwards. 

Prepared for 4km run combined with the other medic course as I was appointed as Marshall IC. Quick crash course, then started running everything on my own. Took my understudy along as well since it would benefit him. Executed everything really well, and things turned out fine. Glad for that!! I like it when things turn out smooth in the end. 

Dinner, shower, end of the day. Got jio-ed out by Syafiq and aizad for late night meal at about 2215. By the time I reached it was already 2310. Talk talk laugh laugh until 2350. I reminded them of the time then we zao. Aizad drove me back to camp in his car, Syafiq rode his bike back. I'm not that close with aizad, but it was easy talking to him most of the time. He drove me all the way to the gate of the camp some more!! What a nice senior!!

Book in at 2357(?)hrs, then rode syafiq's bike from the gate all the way to accoms block!! WOOHOO BIKE LIKE FUN ONLY!!!!! Went up together to our rooms then I went to shower (again) and then here I am in bed :)

Now...

Wake up for 5bx at 0545hrs because DI is on off, and also because I'm the DI tomorrow. Gonna scold the course tomorrow. But I'll save that for later, maybe another time, for explanation. I don't wanna end the night angry. 

BYE. 

GOODNIGHT!!

Drowning

[21 October]

Shag shag.

Monday night book in. 

Tuesday evening route march, front scout. 

Tuesday night book out. 

Wednesday morning go to Redhill for instructor course assessment. 

Wednesday afternoon got called back to help out for IV because short of manpower. 

Wednesday late afternoon book in after having late lunch at home. 

Book in liao, change up quickly, go down to training shed. 

Reach training shed, only see two people doing IV. 

The rest?

All finish liao. 

Gg.com

BOOK IN EARLY FOR NOTHING. I say I'm alright with it, that it's just a small matter. It really is. But I'm just disappointed that I got called back even though you told me that there were other people to help. I asked "so still need me?" And you said "yeah it would be better!" and so I came. And now look. 

Nevermind. I said earlier that I was here to work. I still stand by what I said. I was sure that things like this was bound to happen. I just didn't think it would come this soon. 

Anyway. I need to let go of this. 

Small matter. 

 

Thursday PHC

Friday PHC + safety day + book out. 

Saturday morning swim with the diver. 

Saturday afternoon baptism combined with TP ward. 

Sunday confirmation for baptisee. 

-start of a new week-

My, my. 

Things are going so fast now. Barely have time to breathe. 

Cup noodle party

Siri party

Music party 

The night was fun

And I didn't know it was so nice to rest your head on someone's back lol like wth the things I learn in army 

Under the sea

[17 October]

Today's a beautiful day!! 

Started off the morning by going to a wake of one of the investigators at 0930hrs. Spent a good half an hour plus with her, Edlina and Aiwen. We talked, tried to cheer her up, but it was obvious that she was exhausted. You could tell by her sunken eyes and tired face. No matter how she smiled, you could see that there was something else. It was sad. But there is comfort in death. 

We left her and her family to go to the ward YSA activity at hyrum's house to learn how to make Tao Huey and Tao Huey Jui until 1200hrs. Pretty cool. Spent then rest of the morning doing that. Waited around for a bit then went to meet the missionaries for our weekly meeting. Last week was general conference rebroadcast so we had to spend more time to catch up on last week's stuff all the way till 1340hrs. 

Once that was done, Abish, Cinilla and I headed to Yishun mrt to pick up Bea. We all left together and headed to Bayfront mrt. It was there that we met Daniel and after some time, Aiwen too. We then headed off to the Art Science Museum (ASM). I initiated the invitation to visit the exhibition going on there, which was called "The Deep". Namely because it exhibits deep sea creatures from 600m down to the depth of 3000m. I have a few pictures but you can see my Instagram for that. Quite lazy to choose the others that I didn't post up too :/

We were supposed to go with Wong Ming and Trish too but they had errands to run first, so we decided to start without them. We met up with them afterwards anyway so no issues. We spent a good hour and a half in there, from 1530 all the way till 1700hrs. Really cool. Quite a spot for couples to date at. Nice and affordable too. It got a bit chilly but no worries if you have someone to hug or hold hands with. Me? I brought my trusty hoodie that Jaina bought for me in Korea hahaha. And I held my own hands. How cool ay? 😏😏

We makan-ed after that at marina square's version of Kopitiam. Just me, Daniel, Bea and Cinilla. Ended up we all bought the same thing. But sedap sia. 

After that we were gonna go back already, then while walking through city link, someone called out for Bea. I thought it was one of her colleagues or classmates, but then there we saw Ming and Trish. Jang Jang Jang. So we waited for them to finish their food while we chilled at a fancy bookstore with a wooden-concept. I like. 

After that, we all went back together by train but stopping by at a shoe shop that Daniel bought his Sunday shoes. I tried on a few recommendations from Ming and Daniel "just to see". I'm glad it was "just to see" rather than "see to buy" because the price of the shoe isn't what I would pay for this near a shoe that would be too precious and nice to wear to a Mission. In the end, we headed to the train and bounced back, except for Cinilla. I sat with Bea and Daniel, with Ming and Trish opposite us. I tried to sleep (I was so tired) and so I plugged in. Bea (who was sitting beside me) offered me her shoulder. HOW TO DECLINE RIGHT. So I slept while leaning on her shoulder. Freaking comfy. I slept like a baby all the way till Khatib, waking up twice because she pushed my head back. If not, it would probably have dropped and rolled onto the floor. 

They all left at their station, and so it was me and Daniel back home. We alighted at our own stations. By the time I reached home, it was about 2000hrs already. One whole day like that just gone. But I love it. Every second spent was well lived. 

Today's a beautiful day ☺️☺️

We don't let anyone steal our happiness

YAYYYYYY

Finally got my navy admin shirt!! Once I settle changing size of my air force one, then I'll have a complete set of the tri-service's admin shirts hahahaha yay!! Gonna go out jalan wearing them hehhehehe. So excited!!

Plan for this Friday is to hang out with Bea. She's been working so many Sundays that I rarely see her anymore except for sacrament only every month or so. So sad. So yes!! Going out with Bea later this week :) can't wait!! Gonna catch up and makan and talk. Ahhhhhhhh miss seeing her and how happy she always is. And since idk what's going on in her life these days and how she's doing, it'll be good to ask and find out :) I miss her so much!!

Okay but we're not together alright. We're just really really really good friends :)

No plans for the coming weeks, except visit with dad to see the doctor here and there on my off days. Maybe watch a movie here and there, just gotta find the people to watch it with. Idek what's on in the cinemas now.

Gotta change phone too. Stupid phone sometimes cannot take calls because it either doesn't ring/vibrate or it doesn't even show that it's ringing. Power. My plan can be recontracted as soon as January, so it's either I wait until then, or just buy one now. I'm looking towards the Xiaomi Mi 4i. Quite a pretty decent phone. So, I might just hope that this phone that I'm currently using lives on until then.

I'm not thinking of going back to Samsung mainly because of the Kies software. So hard to use, and so difficult to sync across. Not looking for iPhone because it's just sooooooo expensive. Although it's good and all. But meh. I don't mind people lending it to me, or selling it to me second hand at a price that I can afford. But anyway, my budget is pretty small, so I most likely won't ever touch an iPhone in my life. I just don't have the luxury of spending money of whatever I want because I'm gonna be paying for my own mission and also for my own tuition fees. Not to mention lifestyle expenses, and also driving license...man I'm gonna be spending so much...

HOW SIA LIKE THAT

But anyway. I'll make it somehow lah. Then if I get a gf there...wah I tell you for my breakfast I eat cardboard already sia!! Hahahhaha!! Anyway. No point looking so far ahead if I don't settle the present. Got so many things to work on!! Projects, NS, license, WTP, church callings...theyre all a mountain of things to worry about.

But I still want a pet :/ can I have a pet :(

Time flies on wings

[7 October]
[0211hrs]

The past week has been a roller coaster ride. Emailed Krystine, finally finished my small flute project, worked on my lower registers, starting a new project. I believe I had some good dreams here and there because I felt happy, considering that I don't recall any significant event that makes me noticeably happy. Shu hui's leaving already for her mission. I have less than a year left before I end NS, and then I'll be able to apply for a mission myself. There are some things I need to settle first before I do that. And I hope my medical checks out fine too...

Planning to meet up with some friends who I haven't met in a while, so that should be refreshing. My kpop photog friends who are always too busy to meet, church friends, perhaps my sec sch friends too (though only left one...). I should meet up with my karate friends also...

Well now that you're gone, perhaps I should find something that could fill up the hole left behind, as much as possible...

Hugs.

[24 Sep]
2228hrs

Going back to camp now, standing on the mrt platform. At this end, I look down to the other end and the take in how much the haze affects the air. It's horrible, it's clearly visible how much pollutants there are in the air.

In the train, I feel something tugging my mind. I don't know what it is, but it keeps my mind wandering, searching for what it could be. My family? My day? My friends? Something small but significant? Something recent perhaps, or maybe distant? I don't know. I search the depths of my mind but turn up empty handed.

Today was a good day.
Woke up in the morning refreshed, ready to get some things done (like completing the score I've been working on penning down). As the day progresses soon into lunch time, mom asks me whether I wanna eat macaroni and some chicken balls. I declined, and she asks me what then would I be eating. I said "I'll settle my own lunch". And I did just that. I had told her the day before that I would be going out today. And yeap. A little poorly planned on my side since I initiated it, but I'm glad I could meet up with chank today. It took me a little more time getting there because dad suddenly asked me to help him move some stuff in the house. I did, but then the dust got stuck on my pants. It looked horrible, so I just changed out to a different set of clothes.

Making my way to Jurong east, I had my N95 on. I could breathe clean air. It was a distinct difference, you could tell easily. I reached soon, and made my way over to ippudo at Westgate. I met chank at the waiting bench. Thank goodness she was there early. The queue, no joke sia. Talked a bit, just some catching up, looked through at what to have for lunch. Sui sui only needed to wait for one person in front. But even better, the lady taking people in asked us for how many, we replied 2, and then she brought us in.

Jump queue. Steady.

It didn't take long for us to order. As we talked more, and  I felt lighter. Not physically, but it was like a heavy burden just dissolved into nothingness. It was weird how it just disappeared like that, but it was such a great feeling. Here I was, sharing a meal with a person who's presence could pull off a stunt like that.

Magical.

The food arrived, and we dug in. It was wonderful, the meal and the company. Obviously the best thing that happened this week. After the meal, we walked around and just hung around different shops, entering a most part of them. We explored Marks and Spencer, and we saw this exquisite-looking coat. I asked her to try it on and heck, it fit her so well. I could barely contain it. I hope it didn't show on my face. She looked so beautiful in it. I couldn't bring myself to say it, me and my inexpressible mind. All I could do was just to appreciate the moment. And that was how I left it, coupled with "looks super nice".

We went around a few other shops.  Popular, Coldwear, Robinsons, Typo, here and there, and also popped by kinokuniya where she got strawberry-filled marshmallows. We sat nearby at a sofa, and just chilled and talked. She let me indulge in that bag of heaven, even half of it. But of course, I couldn't eat that much. I mean I could, but it's not like as if she bought it for me...it's just so I could have a taste of it. It's for her brother, so I shouldn't eat part of his share. But anyway. Just sitting there on the sofa was great in itself. It felt so comfortable sitting there with her, it just felt so peaceful. It felt like what a home should feel like. The feeling of peace and tranquility and safety and assurance. Best feeling ever. I wanted time to stop, I wanted that moment to last an hour more at least.

There was so much I wanted to do, wanted to say, but if I did, all it would accomplish would be to ruin not only the moment, but how things proceed from that time. And I can't have that.

I wish you knew what's on my mind. But somehow, wishing you didn't as well.

We walked back to the mrt, took the train, and then you left. The day was over, and I was sad that good things come to an end, but still quietly grateful that it ever existed.

It was refreshing, as if I had gone weeks without a shower, as if I had been starved of water for days, as if I was exposed to the elements for months. It was like an oasis, a safe haven. How did I ever chance upon such a gem?

But regardless. Having a friend as such is already a blessing.

Who's got my back now?

[14 Sep]
[2249hrs]

Waiting at the bus stop opposite yishun mrt.
Waiting for the bus that takes me to camp.
Waiting for the bus to arrive to take me away from this civilian world.
Waiting for the one thing that brings me to the one place where everything else just fades away.

Waiting for something to happen
Just so I could do something
Waiting for myself to react to something
Anything
Just anything that would make me who I was before.

I don't mind company.
But these few days, I just have the urge to distance myself from everything and everyone.
It's just those few that I really wanna see, really wanna meet.
But never badly enough to take any action.
I don't want to seem as if I'm desperate for company.
I don't want to appear weak, hopeless.
In times like these, I wish things could happen faster.
So I won't have to see anything happen for long.
At least the bad sad days go away sooner.

There'll be those days that I wonder what my role on this life is. What part do I play. What's the plot of my life. Who is my co-lead and supporting crew. Where do I go, and when do I go.

And then there are those days, like today, where I don't feel any one thing, but rather, I feel everything. One minute I could be sad, listening to sad music, and the next moment I could be having angry thoughts, needing to listen to a different kind of music.

I hate that. I hate how it seems like my mind can't make its own decisions on what emotions to feel at that moment, and so it throws everything around. It makes me feel weak. Vulnerable. Like as if any slight change in the environment could mean something bad to me. Not that it's really like that for me, but it's my unknown fear. I don't know of what it was that I was afraid of. And that sucks.

How do you fight something you have no knowledge of?

Who's got my back now?