When are we 만나-ing? Lol

Oh bore my testimony today (sunday). I dont know why, but when i plan out what i wanna say, even writing things down in my phone, i forget a lot of what i wanna say. Today also. Went to share about music, motab, but i forgot to talk about how the lyrics mean so much. I wrote some exerpts from a few that i recently listened to onto my phone.

Went up to the pulpit and totally forgot to open the text file. How stupid is that. And its not the first time; its the second. The first was when i wanted to share 3 points. First and second points went well, but when i read through the third one, i totally forgot what i wanted to talk about for that point.

Mom says its cuz it wasnt meant to be shared, or it wasnt the right time to be said. I dont know bout that, but itll do for now.

Anyway. It was super embarrassing. So i just quickly made up some stuff. Dont know if i should do that or not, but it made sense either way.

But i dont know if i make sense myself at times.

The longing.

Staring through a glass pane wishing and hoping.
It has always been like that, hasnt it?
It has never been any different.
Welcome to my life.

First week.

Akit
Dennis
Firman
Wani
Ting Han
Clarence
Moses

So far these are the seniors that i've worked with at the conclusion of my first week of internship at this hardware shop called "DIY Essentials". One branch at Joo Chiat, another at Sun Plaza. Thus week i've been stationed at joo chiat, while i'll be stationed at sun plaza in the coming week. The seniors are all special and amazing in thiur own ways, and theyre awesome like that!!

Akit is the slacker dude. He taught me how to slack in here. Met him on the first day.
Dennis is the nice friendly senior to give me advice. I met him on the second day.
Firman is a recently graduated SP student who also studied bioengineering. He's exactly one year my senior. His ITP placement was also at this diy shop. He's super friendly, the joker dude, and also gives advice. He lives in yishun so whenever im working the same shift as him, we'd take the same train. Met him on wednesday!!
Wani!! This friendly malay senior is always smiling, i dont know how the heck she does it lol. She has more knowledge than some others, so i would usually ask her my questions. She is super honest too. But when she's serious, dont talk to her!! She either replies slowly or not at all. Met her briefly on wednesday. AND IMA STARE AT HER WHILE SHE EATS HER MEALS XD cuz she keeps looking at me work lol i think she spying on me sia.

Ting Han. Super fierce-looking dude. 1 year younger than me, built, and is going through sessions to remove his tattoos. I was super wary of him for the first few moments, but he turned out to be super friendly and nice and sometimes a joker. Takes supplements and has a girlfriend. Has truckloads of spare cash lol. Met him today, on the sixth day :)

Clarence!! Met him on the third day i think? I only found out that he's a smoker, like ting han, only today. But not as a heavy smoker compared to ting han. And he knows his stuff around the shop!! Really friendly and approachable :)

Moses. This dude is out to kill me XD jkjk. He is rather more serious than the other seniors. But not SUPER serious. Just more serious. He likes to give me questions to make sure i know my stuff. And when i ask him what is this and this for, he makes me think out possible answers, and questions my reasoning. I like that. But only sometimes ah. Met him on wednesday!!

Then there's irene. The lady that you see me complaining about on twitter. She's a single lady, unmarried, and so far, she's been kinda far from what i'd hope for a boss. I see her 4 times a week when im at joo chiat, and only once a week when im at sun plaza. I tell her that i dont work on sundays but nooooooooo she wants me to. I tell her cuz its of church and my belief, she says 'i also christian what but i work on sundays' (actually no she doesnt. She has her full weekends for herself.) so i tell her that i'll try to sort it out.

And my fam's being really surpportive. Kor wrote out the letter, mom sent it to my liaison officer, dad telling kor what to add in. And jie's still serving her mission lovingly. What more could i ask for? I dunno.

Im hoping things pull through well for me. I dont wanna work on sundays, and i'll be changing my itp placement if things dont work out well.

I hope they do.

난아라.

Yes, i know.

I know that you think me weird, me and my practices. I know you think me as awkward. I know that i dont say the best things nor the things you want to hear every single time.

I know that you think me crazy, skipping big competitions that fall on sundays. I know you think me a load of rubbish when i tell you i do not want to work on sundays.

I know you think me ridiculous.
I know you think me dumb.
I know you think me stupid at times.
I know you think im not who i say  i claim to me.

I know that i do not always catch on quickly. I know that at times, i will appear to be rather 'lost'. I know that i have my pride. I know that i find it hard to do things the way you want them done.

I know im not as talented as your so-and-so. I know im not as skilled as so many others. I know im not great musician. I know im not a great vocalist. I know im not  great fixer. I know im not a great fighter. I know im not a great photographer. I know im not the best friend. I know im not a great person either.

I know that im not as loving as many, whom i will meet and have already met, would wish i were.

I know im not the obedient son you wish i were, and neither am i the loving and caring son that every parent desires. I also know that im not as patient as i wish i were.

I know, i know, i know.

I know that im skinny, that im not as muscular compared as many others. I know that im not as smart and many. And i also know that im not as good looking than an even greater number.

And for all these things, i am always aware of them. There is never a day that goes by that they do not cross my mind. It is something i am always conscious of.

And i thus hope you know that i do not need reminding.

Perhaps this is my life-long test. A test of character, a test of faith, a test of patience.

What is the purpose life if there are no tests? For by these are miracles brought to pass.

blind.

today was such a crazy day.
nothing seemed to go well.
i wish i could end a day like today with you.

but of course, that would never happen. its so late...
plus there werent that many stars in the sky tonight, and i couldnt even see the moon.

deprived of what makes me happy.

a part of my life that i will never give away for anything.

so. today is too awesome to even fit into a blogpost. its THAT awesome.
do away with this whole week. im happy living like today already.

we had stake conference yesterday and today. yesterday was the ysa/sa and adult session. today was the general session. and today is so awesome. reached church at 0830hours to practice the piece with ying er and shuan. theyre playing the violin and grand piano respectively, and im on the flute. SO. ying er arrived at 0900hours i think, but by that time i was already in the choir practicing the songs. ying er and shuan and i went to the adjacent RS room some time later to practice our piece together. went back to the chapel, tuned ying er's violin, then went to the primary room to tune mine.

guess what? embouchure problem. either flat or sharp. then after all that, ying er said that i begin either sharp/flat, then a bit after that my tone goes in tune lol. i decided that i had a super horrible embouchure >< anyway. we decided to leave things as they were and get ready for conference.

throughout, i was so content to be singing in the choir. i loved the sunday session. it was so amazing. you could feel so much of the Spirit throughout the whole session. its just amazing. but anyway. its too precious of an experience for me to explain it here.

then came the part where ying er and i to play. i was sooooooo nervous. as the time was getting nearer, i would feel my heart pumping like siao. anyway. i expected to play after marie ellis' testimony sharing, but after that we had the 2 new outgoing mission presidents from our stake give their talk/testimony. then one more talk after that i think.

well, it eventually came to my turn. sorry but i wont be going through the details here. i feel that its not the right place to share the details, but i'll give some insights nonetheless.

ying er and i went up, shuan went up. he started playing the piano, and how glad i was to practice so much at home. it turned out pretty well. for the first segment, my knees were shaking. it wasnt too violent since i have had tonnes of practice in greeting large crowds over the years. but it was shaking nonetheless since i was still nervous, and its my first time playing alongside somebody like ying er, and first time playing the flute in front of a crowd, one such as a stake conference.

practices helped, deep breathes helped a lot, confidence too. but most of all, the thing that helped me the most is prayer.

and i shall leave it at that.
reflecting on this experience, there is no need for physical evidence to prove that there is a God. because i know that there is one, ever looking down on all of us, showering us with His love.

such profoundness within such simplicity. 
i am so blessed.

Life happens.

So i sent in my 80-20 on friday i think. Went all the way to tanjong pagar from paya lebar for that itp briefing thing. Far sia. Thought id be late but in the end quite okay. Found my way there on my own. Kinda had some bad directions from my classmate who was already there. Anyway. Sent in my lens, cost me $200 (rounded off). Expected uh. That idiot that i got this lens from. Long story that i dont wanna tell the world. Not like as if i wanna keep it in my brain like that.

Anyway. While i was in the nikon shop i looked around, chexked out the lenses, tried a macro lens. That fella tryna sell me a macro lens, he quoted $699 i think. Quite okay ah. I think it has a constant aperture. Fixed focal at 85mm. Dont think i need one. Macam get extensioj tube then okay liao orh. But needa use with const ap i think. Better results. If it works. I should be like asfa and experiment a lot. But money come from where sia.

Saturday.
Supposed to go for band with gillian, alison and sherrie. Then first two cmi cuz gillian working, alisom got band. Sherrie went i think. I overslept, woke up at 9. Band started at 7am. Power bo.

So i stayed at home, then went for lunch with grandma, uncle stan + auntie lisa, auntie jen and her fam, and my fam. We went to this chinese restaurant. Not bad ah. Relatively cheap plus got a lot of variety. No gst sia. I ate my first 2 crabs there. Chili crab and black pepper crab. Both not spicy sia no kick one. A little kick also dont have. Anyway. It was kinda hars to eat. And i felt so sorry for the crab. Dont think i'll eat crab again in a long time. Then peeled my own prawn also for the first time. Frraking leyxheh. Paiseh ah, so old liao also nevee peel prawn before. Mom also neh cook. Go out also dont eat. Retard sia. Anyway.

Grandma passed me the wasabi peas too all the way from hong kong thanks to my uncle. He rocks. Lovelovelovesomuchlove. I love my grandma.

After that, went home with mom, took the train. Reach home, practice flute, then went for conf. Loved it. Awesome 2hours. And my tenant came along too. So...good. Cleaned uo after that with jeff, pretty much slacking ahm changed the trash bin bag, then slacked off in the kitchen. Raided it although there wasnt much to raid either. Green grapes and frozen milo packets.

Came home, chilled, installed mirror's edge 1. Got it working on my own since its cracked. I very guai one kay, never do all these stuff very often also. Anyway. That leads me to where i am now.

Mdnight, check mail, facebook, twitter, off com, lie down on bed, wait for mom and kor to leave the room. In the end kor left, and before that i was telling mom to dont keep looking at what i post on fb cuz paiseh lah. Then after a while she say "then dont friend lah" and "remove that family thing". Walao eh. Arrow me till like that. Then also say "got a lot of rubbish also hor, fyi you ah". That time ah...

忍。I tell you ah, I 忍 until cannot 忍 anymore. Super pekcek. Cannot tahan sia. But I just keep quiet. Super hard to keep quiet. But i managed ah. Sigh. Spam twitter after that. Then write this.

Well, its just another problem, and i'll get over it, just as i have for everything else. Not really looking forward for tomorrow, but at least i get to see you.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day.
I hope for lesser problems, lesser arguments, lesser disagreements.
I hope for more happiness, more satisfaction, more joy, more accomplishment, more love, more life.
I hope for so much.

And yet i never do anything about it.

Anyway. Im a hypocrite like that. But how much of a hypocrite am it? More than i imagine, i guess.

Double standard, if you want.