By November, it would officially mark one full year of me being a champion, tolerating a very special someone's annoying nonsense. Before I enlisted, I said that I wouldn't be able to reply your smses often, so, "don't message me so much". I expected lesser smses, but the outcome was the total opposite. Sigh.
At times, I replied when I could, and other times, I didn't reply at all.
After a while, I reminded you that I was in army, and I didn't have a lot of time to reply because there were other things that I needed to do that took priority. You said "sorry if I was being annoying to you" and all, but the very next day, everything went back to how it was at first. It was like as if what I said didn't go through at all, except for a night.
You confessed to me, that you've "actually liked [me] for a very very long time already". I replied that I didn't reciprocate those feelings. After a while, I had a friend to be my "fake girlfriend" because you were still making advances. Alright, okay.
Through BMT, SCS foun term, and even SCS pro term, you were always there. I don't know if I should be happy about the fact that there was someone who was always there(?), or about the fact that the person was you. I only replied to those messages that needed replying, in the hopes that you'll get the hint that I didn't wanna spend precious time on things that bother me. The lesser time I spend on those things, the lesser it comes to mind. So, go figure.
But anyways. There wouldn't be a week that went by that I didn't get a message from you asking how army was, what I did today, or telling me what you were excited to do. I only replied those that were important for me to reply. Aside from those, i always ignored the messages.
You'd ask me for a dance when it's the guys who should be asking a girl for a dance. I'd either reject you, or would have already gotten a partner by the time you want to approach me. I stick in my group so that I don't get singled out by you requesting for a dance.
Other people would tell me to tell you off, over whatsapp, or right in your face. Would I do it? Nah I wouldn't (they say I'm too nice). But if I wanted to, I definitely could. If you cornered me, I most likely would, in fact. But then again, would I be capable of being so mean? In camp got someone tell me that I very mean because I never reply you LOL.
You don't seem to get the message. People say I should tell it straight to your face, saying "can you don't annoy me" or "stop being so annoying". Others said that I should block you on whatsapp. Others said to make mention to your parents.
You kick me, punch me, ruffle my hair (wtf), and you even poke me. And it didn't happen just once or twice. It happened on MULTIPLE occasions. Girl, we're not even a couple, let alone sparring partners NOR close friends. Even then, my close friends don't even do any of those -.- you make yourself comfortable with me when I'm not comfortable with you. You pester me to teach you karate, but I gently decline.
How do I respect you when you don't give me respect? How can I be a friend to you when you don't respect my privacy? How do you love someone you don't even know?
It's hard, I know. If I ever liked a girl and if she rejected me the way I were rejecting you, I'd hate myself for trying so hard for so long. But don't you get it? We'll never be together, and I'll never see you as anything more than a friend. Maybe you'll pass the level of an "acquaintance". So, please stop. It's almost been a year now, and I'm getting tired of your nonsense. I have so many new things to worry about, now that I'm posted out. I cannot possibly have time to entertain you. Heck, I probably don't even have time for a girlfriend (although I hope otherwise). Heck, I don't even have money to afford a girlfriend. Unless she's as much of a spendthrift as I am. And unless she sees and understands my financial situation.
It's time you took things slower. It's I've that you get my message. It's time that you stop chasing after me. It's time for you to move on. It's time for you to improve yourself. It's time for you to look around and observe others.
There's so much for you to do. Even if we were together, it would be too much for me to do, since you don't cooperate either way. I consider you "high maintenance" on the other extreme side of the scale.
You don't seem to put in the effort to groom yourself. I can handle weird people, but you're just on the extreme end. I do my best to be chill when you talk to me.
You wanna teach my class, but I can't let you teach. Your basics aren't even strong, how do you expect to strengthen and raise people up? You're mixing things up, things that should be "common knowledge" for people your age, things that should form your foundation when you prepare your lesson. So how, how could I possibly let you teach when you aren't ready? During that one lesson that you taught, I was so attentive, making sure that nothing went wrong. But things went wrong. I had to do so much damage control. You were probably oblivious to it all, but who am I to say.
But anyway, after all that's been said and done, I'm not ready. Not ready to regard you as a friend, as a person who can teach my class, nor a person whom I would teach karate a 1-on-1 karate class to. And neither are you.
