Ended school at 1130am today since I finished the tutorial early and faster. Both were given out today, and submitted both today too. Designing. So easy. Then went over to T11A504 for collection of yesterday's experiment. Results were in, so had to do some calculating and analysis. Boring. The agar plate smelled expetially horrible. Lent Lucas my lab coat since he didn't bring his and his 'responsible' teammates skipped school and left him to do all the work. Helped him on my way back since he called me for help. Okay lorh. Yesterday I never listen during lab I also know what to do sia. Meh.
Anyway. Reached home a bit before 2pm. Like 1.30pm like that. Heated up the otah from yesterday's dinner, finished it, washed the casserole, then made chee cheong fun with it. When I was done it was already time to pick up Alison from NTUC. She forgot to bring her chocolate. So had to get vanilla abstract from phoon huat. Okay can.
Got back home, got her a glass of cold water (since it was warm). But I course said hi to mom and dad lah. Dunno why dad today come home so early sia. Surprised me. Then we started making the brownies. Started off super slow and choppy cuz she wasn't familiar with the recipe and cuz I hadn't baked in a while. But soon we got the hang of the workflow and poof not bad. She intended to only make one batch, but since she had enough for another, mom said just make one more cu got enough. Okay lorh.
This time I had her do more of the work. Less of me doing it for her since I wanted her to get some practice. She doesn't bake at home since her mom doesn't let, and their oven spoiled.
Suay.
So yeah. The two batches were a bit sweet cuz it's an Angmoh recipe. She made it for her friends. But from the first batch, she took out a portion for us to try, and for mom and dad too. So nice of her. Then he recipe say bake for 20mins. MY FOOT AH. Had to bake for like 40+mins lorh. But maybe cuz we didn't use the baking pan that should have been used. Cuz the batch super small. I dunno why. So we used a different pan than specified...
Then she had to go. Movie with Lan Juan. Dunno if Kimberly going anot. But anyway. At least Lan Juan was there lah that one confirm. They went to watch Deapicable Me 2. Seriously I feel super left out. Everybody watched already/going to watch. Then me. Nobody to watch with. Sigh. Nehmind lah. Download. But I'm glad Alison enjoyed it. She deserves a break from exams. Essays and stupid stuff to write. Meh.
Had dinner with mom. We watched the latest episode of "I Can Hear You Voice" though I wasn't really in the mood. I haven't been in the mood these days either. Go to school, smile smile, come home and lepak and do nothing. Not that I have nothing to do. I just don't wanna do anything. I just wanna waste my life away for now.
It's already the end of week 13. Exams are in 5weeks. Am I ready? No. Is anybody ready? Heck no. The the heck is ready for exams 5weeks before it starts in poly. Only FTs. And the smart farts. Not my kind. I study 1-2 weeks before. But of course, everybody say study early, it never happens one. 2+ years in poly, always like that de.
Slept in class today. Repetition of D&T stuff. And Zi Cong didn't come. Must have been due to the "argument" yesterday with Matthew. But also not Matthew's fault. Okay lah maybe a bit. Matthew isn't careful with his words. But the main problem is that Zi Cong doesn't answer questions properly. When we ask him "later got Boey class anot", he replied with "you can go if you want". PSH.
Yeah he got so angry with Matthew that he walked out of the room. Me and Asfa were like super sian. We both kept quiet throughout the exchange. Matthew was pretty upset as well as to how Zi Cong answers questions. And I learned early before that when Matthew is angry, patience is important. And then I must be mature in my thinking when he is angry. Best way to settle conflicts.
So yeah. But it's not like as if any of these events are making me grumpy. It's a whole different matter.
It's like I'm beginning to lose you. It's not even at the point where I might say "I think I'm losing you" but more of the sure feeling that "yes, I AM losing you". And it sucks. I don't know what to do. I really don't. I don't even know what I say and I don't know what to do. No feel for whatsapp cuz I don't wanna see the last thing that you sent. Not that it's wrong or making me upset or whatever because you said something wrong. It's just some memories resurface when I think of/hear about those things. I won't disclose it of course. So I try to avoid the matter. But it's affecting me more now. Maybe I'll change the topic of it someday somehow. But not now. I can't.
I can't spend time with you. You gotta triple-lie to your parents and that's bad enough. This Sunday is the committee meeting. I'm looking forward to it since I'm part of the committee for something big. But I just don't know if I'm ready to see you or not. It would be super awkward for me. I don't know about you though. But I still have to pass the mask to you though.
참깐만뇨.
I'm losing you. I don't know if it's something I did wrong, or if I'm just not any of your ideal types. I'm starting to feel like as if I'm the opposite of the ideal for you. Over-reaction? Dang I hope not
It's not because I don't wanna be your ideal type. LIKE SERIOUSLY WHO WOULDN'T WANNA BE YOUR IDEAL TYPE. THEY MUST BE MAD. The thing is, I don't know about a lot of things anymore. Like really, a lot of things. I do try my best to be understanding. It's really tough. It's tough to let you have more time for yourself since it's your study time. It's O levels this year and I don't wanna mess things up for you.
And this is what I feared.
You're slipping through my fingers. I begin to doubt myself, doubt almost everything about myself. I wonder a lot about this and that. And it scares me whenever I think about it.
But what do I matter anyway.
Am I still here...?
I don't know.
It's a really good question though.
U
I have a question. I thought long and hard about it.
But I still don't have the answer.
I guess I still have to wait.
But.
The thing is.
How long?
No comments:
Post a Comment