A lot of people think they know me, and the people who are somewhat like me. Well, maybe. But most of the time, no. There are so many more things to us than what you notice: things like the stuff that you DONT notice.
One of them would be the thoughts that run through my mind, unless I speak them out, of course. Sometimes I do. Depending on the person, if I'm comfortable saying certain things with that person or not. And most of the time, that ISN'T the case. I only have a small handful of people I can share my personal life about. How many? Just 5. Perhaps 4 even. My closest people. I won't ever wanna lose them. These are the people who know me as who I am. But of course, there's still that ONE among the 5 that seriously knows me better than ANYBODY else. Don't wanna lose that one either. But of course, it's a mutual thing. You help me, I help you.
And sometimes people like me talk about being forever alone and things like that. We joke about it. We make fun of ourselves when we're with others so that it doesn't hurt as much. Truth is, it hurts all the same (for me at least). But not more than when someone else says it. I don't know how or why, but that is the way that it is.
Over the years, I have seen how I have changed. The better choices that I made, and the wrong choices as well. The consequences that followed are clearer in the long run. I find the pattern in them so I make better choices in the future.
And every time I do that, the decisions are easier to make. And even then, sometimes, the decisions can still be harder to make. The rule is simple: Newton's Third Law.
"When one body exerts a force on a second body, the second body exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction to that of the first body."
So, the more rooted we are towards a decision, there also would be a force working against our decision. Some would visualize it as the angel and devil sittin on either wides of your shoulders. The one who makes the final call will always be us; not the angel nor the devil. Though sometimes both of them speak the truth, there will always be a victor. Compromise comes into play once in a while. But whatever choice we make, we must act on it.
And this is where the hard part comes: acting on knowledge. Perhaps, what's even harder is acting on doubts and guesses. With nothing concrete to back you up, there's only gut and instinct and maybe even intuition than you can work with. And the thing is that people don't trust these as much the knowledge that they or others possess. But it is only logical.
To make things more complicated, when interacting with people in difficult cases, unresponsive reactions may come into play. This is when one party wants to accomplish something, but the other involved party either ignores the first party, or just goes with the flow, or even worse, both. I'm sure that this upsets people's at of the time. It can get frustrating for sure if it drags on.
So I come to question what is the purpose of pushing on even though the other party is unresponsive. I ask myself
What is the purpose/reason that I'm doing this in the first place?
What event(s) led to a situation as such?
Do I want to continue doing this? Investing time and effort into something that (probably) might not yield favorable results?
Would I regret my decision in the future, and how would I know now?
There are countless times (believe me) when I tell myself that 'I feel like giving up already, I don't even know why I'm still doing this'. Why pursue soooooo much into something that you're not sure of already? The fault lines are showing and the cracks get deeper with time.
And this is when those friends come into play. When I begin to doubt myself, I turn to them. Almost every single time (9.5 times out of 10) the advice offered helps me through rough times like these. Counsel and advice. Care and concern. Sensitivity and wisdom. These are things that no ordinary person you meet can offer you when you need them.
That, or those, special person (people) are those who truly have your welfare as their concern. And it's not something at the rock bottom of their list of priorities, and neither is it near the middle. It is near the surface, the top. It may not be the FIRST thing on their list, and it's perfectly alright, it really is. You must understand that their life does not orbit around yours (unless your married and even then, it should co-orbit) and vice-versa.
These people are really a 1-in-a-million. Or even perhaps a 1-in-a-billion. Friend-zoned or not, treasure these people. Celebrate them. Show your gratitude for them with your actions rather than with just words. Be genuine. Be who you truly are when you're around them. Don't deceive.
All in all, to those who truly know me, thank you. Thank you for your love and support and kindness that you have so dearly shown me. I gain so much more than I could ever ask for from you all. You have blessed my life and given me the extra boost to be a better human, a better person, a better friend, a better son, a better brother, and in the future, a better husband and father. There are so many things that I want to say 'thank you' for. And since we don't always have the chance to meet up and chill, a blogpost like this would just be the tip of the iceberg.
Lastly.
Alison, thank you. Thank you for being my best friend and for being there whenever I needed a listening ear and an advisor. I have learned to overlook many flaws that we as humans possess, they are inevitable. I have learned how to deal with them through your words and counsel. Thank you for spending time with me during your last year in JC even with prelims and exams stuff like that. You truly are THAT one irreplaceable friend that I never wanna lose. Thank you for being born into this country (though you don't have much of a choice in that ahhahah) and for being in the same school as I was and same CCA and even in the Studen Council as well. Secondary school life was so much more enjoyable because of you. And thanks too for keeping in contact with me even after we graduated!! It goes to show how awesome we are as taopoks!! :D you're really an amazing person and don't you ever doubt it. Don't let anybody tell ou that you are ugly and fat or whatever nonsense because YOU'RE NOT ALL THOSE. Words are insufficient to describe how wonderfully I view you as. And don't deny it okay!! I'm praising you so just accept it graciously lah huh!! XD okay but seriously. You are more magnificent than you think you are and I hope that you would see yourself the same way I see you, sometime soon I hope. I really am super lucky and blessed to have you in my life. Taopoks FTW!! :)
Stay awesome yeah :)
