But I

I wish I could hug you. 

Be the one there for you. 

But it isn't the right time now. 

I've got to wait it out. 

Just a little longer. 

But I can't take it any longer. 

I wanna be yours. 

And I want you to be mine. 

We'll mean the world to each other. 

Just like binary stars. 

That one day

[27 Jan]

Messy messy day. Started the day late because we had route march last night. Started off the morning with a 3hr lecture, caught people sleeping, then headed off for lunch. Had BCS bags and equipment the rest of the day, and then after some time major Saitama came along. 

Basket. 

We all activate our -steady- mode and acted like super professional instructors ahhahah. During that time we carried as per usual, then suddenly dinie and I heard a lot of noise behind me. We both turned around immediately and saw 4 guys playing violently at the top of a 3-tier step. 

Immediately, without hesitation, we both shouted at them and still in unison, shouted "EH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? YOU THINK FUNNY IS IT?? COME KNOCK IT DOWN NOW!!!!" Hahahahha. BEST. 

But at that time I was really upset. Really really upset. I counted down from 5 and because they still hadn't all formed up in push up position, I started counting "+10, +20" and stopped when the last guy assumed his push up position. 

Firstly I asked "what time is it now" and since there wasn't any reply, I followed with "down, dooooooown..." And then "eh why haven't go down yet? I say down already". 

Stupid cadets -.-

After that I stopped once they hit 5 already, then asked "so what time is it now?" Then they replied that it's "BCS time (name of the lesson)". I then asked them "so what were you doing?" Asked again because there wasn't any answer. Still no answer? Good. "Come nobody wants to answer right? Down. Down. Down. Down. Down." Then I asked "So how, what were you doing?"

"Playing, sergeant."

"So is it appropriate for lesson time?"

"No, sergeant."

"So why were you playing?"

"..."

"No response? Come down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Got answer already anot?"

"-replies something I don't remember"

"Come finish up your 20."

Wow. 

With major Saitama there and you still can play. All 4 of you. Really jialat. My goal is to OOC one cadet and one ME1T this batch. Simply because they don't have the attitude of a sergeant nor a regular in the army. Bad teamwork. No leadership. Very bad accounting strength. Always giving us trouble. Jialat lah how to depend on them like that sia...

At the end of the day we needed to give out the indents. Their tunics, no3 pants, and their medic armbands. They also needed to return all their medic bags to us since it's nearing the end of the course for them already. But it was one long night. I only went up to bunk at 7+pm, with only Shao Kee helping me. The rest all left already. 

It was so tough. The sun had already set and the sky was dark and the air was humid because of the rain. I had to keep my cool so many times too and it was just so challenging. But I made it!! When I went up to bunk, the first thing I did was to shower. The feeling of being clean once again is unparalleled. 

Keep telling yourself that and you'll get nowhere

[20 Jan]

We talk and joke about being single on Valentine's Day 

About how much other people are spending and how much we are saving

And how to us it is just another day

And how it's just another ordinary Sunday 

About how we don't have to worry about couple problems 

About how we don't have to worry about being too busy 

About how we don't have a life and already giving what's left to someone else

But deep down 

I know it's all false

About how much I'd want to spend time with that someone 

That special someone 

The person who can make you happy 

The person who supports you 

The person who carries your burden when it's too much for you 

The person who wants to see you happy 

The person who wants to make you smile 

Isn't that what we all want? 

We are just not brave enough

To take the small and big steps 

To get what we want 

To get what we need 

Because we aren't brave enough 

Perhaps we don't want it bad enough 

Perhaps we don't care for it enough

To go through all that 

To get what we want 

To get what we need 

And that's why Valentine's Day 

Is really just another normal day for me 

With no significant meaning

It's just another book in day. 

-

[17 jan]

Today was an okay day. There was a mix of good and bad. 

Woke up in the morning later than usual because there wasn't any meeting to attend before church (the reason why I love third Sunday's). Packed my bag, got my clothes ready and then found out that my shirt wasn't ironed yet. Looked around the house for an ironing board and an iron but I couldn't see one at all. I asked dad where the ironing board was and he said that it's with the tenant. 

Right. The tenant. 

We had sealed off the other half of the house and she had taken the liberty to decorate the whole other half while she had only rented one room. Well okay. We could use a little decoration too anyway. But the problem was that I didn't want he ironing board and iron to be there. Like, I don't like the idea of even sharing it. Simply because I don't want to have to ask it from you when it should be the other way around, or better yet, not at all. Get your own. 

Oh. Another thing that I don't like to share is my laundry bamboo poles. I hate sharing that. Right now all my laundry is hung dry INDOORS and I don't like it because I don't like the smell. Why let your laundry smell like moist clothing when it can smell fresh when it's hung outside to dry by the sun? I think one day I might just become furious about this whole laundry thing. 

I want my nice smelling laundry back. And I want it back SOON. 

Anywa. It was already time to go soon so I decided on wearing my other white shirt. I changed up, grabbed my bag, and left. Didn't leave with dad because he said he might be late. Didn't go with Lindsay because I think she was still sleeping. Anyhoo. 

That was before church. I stood on the train all the way even though I was so tired. No seats ah. So stand lorh. Basket tiring sia...woke up a few moments before the doors started closing but I made it in the end. Church was alright. I wanted to go the YSA class but I decided that I was needed more at the Gospel Principles class so I went there. Anyway it's my class so I should be there. It's just that I miss the YSA class so much. It's always so different from what I see every week...

After church I went to grandma's place to pick up the cheque that I need for army. She cooked sooooooo much and so I had to eat more than I usually did hahaha. Taught her a bit more of WhatsApp, and her house phone too. She asked me how to insert batteries into this Chinese golden rotating plant thingy that had bling bling lights. 

It was a book in day so she didn't wanna take my time, and also good lah, I was beginning to feel tired already. The coming week is gonna be a busy week so I need more rest...

Team

[6 Jan]

It's getting on my nerves on how you're treating the cadets too well. This isn't the standard of Instructors that we should have. You might as well strip off your 3SG rank and become an SCT forever until you ORD. 

How is it that when your batch mates tell you that you are too close to the cadets and that you should maintain some  professionalism? Do we as seniors need to intervene and tell you ourselves? 

There is a difference between being an instructor and being friendly AND EVEN being kind. You're not any of these three. Basically, you're behaving just like another cadet. With a lot of privileges. You're not an instructor anymore. 

You need to be professional. 

You need to maintain that balance. 

You can be nice and kind, but you're simply overdoing it. 

As your previous batch mate, and as your senior now, I will do what I must. That is, to maintain the dynamics of this instructor team. I will not let this team down, especially since we are all Instructors and sergeants. As such, people will be looking at us, and looking up to us, to be an example and role model. 

We must not fail.