my life is a big question.

People think guys are tough inside and out. People think they're all about brawn, looking cool, being that talented one, that air of mystery around them. But not me. I'm not like the others.

I'm nowhere near being muscular, I'm nowhere near being cool, and I never have an air of mystery around me. I'm just who I am, simple Sam, who lives his life like an open book.

I share my life with everyone close to me.
I tell them my problems.
I share my joys with them.
I attribute my success to them.

I listen to their problems.
I hear their miseries.
I feel their pain.
I know their sorrows.

But will no one be me, for me?
Am I to live as I have, forever?
Even having music with me throughout isn't enough.

Meh.

People are drifting away.
Ripple by ripple.
Soon I'll be in the middle.
With just a small puddle around me.
Where have they gone?

Things are falling apart.
Doing what I can to intervene.
Be the listening ear.
Offer advice and show care.
Provide comfort.

Trying to stay neutral.
Examine my heart well.
Think through my thoughts thoroughly.
Is it real?
How will I ever know?

This time of my life.
It really isn't mine.
It's anyone's but mine.
So how do I live?
When I barely have time for myself?

Looking ahead...

So this week we're back to lectures, and some small practical sessions here and there. Ever since this week, I'm much more confident in my IV cannulation and infusion skills. This week marks my seventh IV session, and I see myself getting more hits in the first try. Although I still need to be more accurate during the first entry...

Days in camp are boring. Everyone seems to have someone to talk to, whether it's their girlfriend or friends (yeap, with the 's'). Not that I don't, but it's just so sporadic. The rest are pretty much on the phone replying to other people, all the time, and I'm just listening to music, all the time. Just lying on my bed doing nothing. Either that, or spend the night time studying. At least trying to be productive in this content-heavy course.

What a life...

Anyway. Thinking about joining the Navy as an underwater medic. Small chance of getting in really. Then again, you have to be chosen. You don't get to choose these kind of things. The only thing you can do is to /express interest/, and we all know know how much that works in here...it's not that reliable at all.

Either way, it would be pretty cool. Well at least it sounds cool. I'm gonna ask all about it when the Navy guys come down for the talk. I won't even need to try to stay awake. I'll be wide awake hahahahaha. Got chance to change colour...

:/

The youngest ward mission leader in Singapore spends his whole Sunday in church with little time to himself before booking in to camp to live a whole new week of worldliness forced upon him.

Why is it so tough?
Tired everyday, without the luxury of time. Saturday is pretty much the only day that I'm "free", but even then there's ward correlation meeting at 3pm and then Institute at 4pm to 5.30pm.

Seriously, sometimes I wish I can just take a break from all this stuff...but I can't...this is really called suck thumb sia...

But that's not the only thing bothering me. Lately I've been feeling lonely. Weird since I'm always surrounded by people, but nonetheless, still lonely. Reminds me of Bublé's "Home" which sings "may be surrounded by a million people, I still feel all alone".

Punk.

My section mate is weird.
So freaking weird.

He's annoying, a pain in the butt, and everybody dislikes him. Best of all? He sleeps beside me.

He stepped on my bed. (Oh yes he did)
He steals my snacks.
He snatches my snacks.
He threatened me repeatedly to empty out my foot locker (which has all my snacks).
He doesn't bring any hangers (I even lent him 2 because he didn't have any at first, but I took them back because he's too LAZY to bring his own, saying it's for weak people).
He leaves his clothes ON the table that the whole bunk shares to air.
He talks a whole bunch of nonsense.
He annoys people (especially me) with his cursed attitude.
He thinks he's the best.
He doesn't wipe dry after a shower (saying that he'll offend the water god).
He thinks that everyone in this course is the "worst medic in the world".
He speaks a derogatory language, calling people fools, and many more, among his wide range of limited vocabulary.

Just because you studied biotech in poly, it doesn't mean that you're the best cadet here.

He really gets on my nerves.
I might end up punching him for real some day.

When we counter his arguments, he just says "shut up lah (insert name), noisy sia you".

This week he didn't bring his rank and formation tab because his "maid put it somewhere else, f*** her". Wow. Just...wow. You don't do your own laundry, you don't fold your clothes even, and you're blaming someone else for something YOU forgot? I have tolerance for most people, but not people like you. Prideful punk. How the heck did you even get a girlfriend. How does she live with you. What does she even see in you, my goodness.

There was this one occasion where he said he was going to falcon punch me (seriously...), and I dared him. He faked a punch, I stepped back once, and said "scared for what. See this (pointing to his rank), it means that you're lower than me. And I wasn't even going to punch you. It means you're scared of "nothing"."

I pointed to my rank and said that it's the same as his, so I'm not lower than him. I faked a forward step at him a with a clenched fist at my waist, and he retreated three steps and protected his face with both arms (he really did). I said to him "wow you're the one who is scared".

He said some other stuff that I don't remember now. But yeah. I really can imagine me punching/kicking him someday. And I see him holding it in while lying on the floor in a fetal position. And no I'm not kidding, I really have it in me to do something like that. It's already week 4 and I'm wondering how I haven't done it already.

So who is this guy?
He's the one that sleeps beside me everyday.